Job Comic Strips - Page 30

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

936 Results for Job

View 291 - 300 results for job comic strips. Discover the best "Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hypocrisy, managers & supervisors, wages, world records set, best employee, job performance, no raise, drug enhancing drugs, injected against will, leadership, business, money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You've set several world records for best employee job performance. But I can't give you a raise because you used job performance enhancing drugs. Dilbert: You injected me against my will. Boss: It would be leadership if you wanted to do it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business people, engineers, skunks, spray perfumr, marketing, engineer, resist killing, terrific job, business, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

INTRODUCTIONS Coworker: My name is Alan, and my job in Marketing is to spray perfume on skunks. Dilbert: I'm Dilbert. My job as an engineer is to resist killing Alan. Coworker: You're doing a terrific job. Dilbert: Stop spraying me with perfume! Introductions

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags interviews, job interview, spare time, questions, visit orphanges, back rubs, babies, practiced question

View Transcript

Transcript

JOB INTERVIEW Boss: So... what do you like to do in your spare time? Interviewee: Um... I visit orphanages and give back rubs to babies. Boss: Maybe you should have practiced for that question. Interviewee: And I bike there because I'm so green.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, work ethic, growth hacker, web apps, perfect job, growth hackers, do nothing, work from home

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: We need a "growth hacker" for our web apps. I think I'd be perfect for that job. Boss: I've heard of growth hackers, but I have no idea what they do all day. You could do nothing and I wouldn't know the difference. Wally: And I could work from home.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, engineers, project inherited, weak code, rewrite, great job, hired idiot

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The project I inherited has weak code. I need to rewrite it from scratch. Boss: Will there ever be an engineer who says, "That last guy did a great job. Let's keep all of it?" Dilbert: I'm hoping the idiot you hire to replace me says that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags emotional manipulation, executives, financial gain, leader, leaders, less unlikable, lonely job, manipulation, obliviousness, popularity

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Being a leader is a lonely job. Dilbert: Try being less of a #!@*. Then people might want to spend time with you. CEO: I don't see how that could work. Dilbert: Can we get back to manipulating my emotions for financial gain?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, managers & supervisors, morale, robots, problems, lying, spectacular job, award randomly, in charge, robot boss, temporary, employees, oversight, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you have any problems filling in for me while I was on vacation? Robot: It was hard at first. I couldn't tell who was lying about doing a spectacular job. Boss: That's why I reward them randomly. Robot: I tried that and it did seem to settle them down.

Wally Does Ceo Job For 10%

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Does Ceo Job For 10% - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, money, wages, work ethic, annual pay, deal, split work, salary, work percentage, pass the buck

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO. Dogbert: I will give you 10% of my annual pay if you do 100% of my job for me. 10% of my pay as CEO is still a lot of money. Wally: I'll do it. I'll give you 10% of what he's paying me if you do 100% of his work plus mine. It's still a lot of money. Asok: I'm in!

Carol Juggles Work Plus Family

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Carol Juggles Work Plus Family - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Family, happiness, work, juggle work, fighting porcupines, salt mine, job, secretary, business, psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't know how you juggle work plus a family. Carol: Spending time with my family is like fighting porcupines in a salt mine. I come here just to get away from them. Dilbert: So... you like your job? Carol: No, but at least I can go home to get away from it.

Dilbert Needs To Show Leadership

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Needs To Show Leadership - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, leadership, logic, managers, project, team members, job, fixed, responsibility, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You need to show more leadership on your project. Dilbert: How do you know my leadership is a problem? Maybe the team members are bad followers. Boss: It's your job to fix it either way. Dilbert: The way you just fixed me with your leadership?