Shake Hand Comic Strips - Page 30
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354 Results for Shake Hand
View 291 - 300 results for shake hand comic strips. Discover the best "Shake Hand" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday June 05,
2010
Tags quality metric, bid proposals, magic powers, sarcastic, silly, joke, serious, hand paper, muggles, harry potter, men in black
Transcript
The Boss says, "Your quality metric for next year is to win 30% more bid proposals." Dilbert says, "No problem. I'll use my magic powers to control how much our competitors bid." The Boss says, "I worry that you're not taking this seriously." Dilbert says, "If the muggles find out, I'll wipe their memories."
Wednesday July 14,
2010
Tags meeeting, car rental, small, low self-esteem, raise hand, upset
Transcript
Dilbert says, "If my low self-esteem seems low, that's because I drove here in a rented tuna can on wheels." Dilbert says, "It was such a bad automotive experience that I can't even pretend you should care what I have to say." Dilbert says, "I loathe myself and the company that pays me. Who's with me on this."
Wednesday August 04,
2010
Tags empire consultant, crown, king, attendance, present, luck, bit rate, lab coat, raise hand
Transcript
Dogbert the empire builder consultant Dogbert says, "Success is just attendance plus luck." Dogbert says, "You always want to be in the general vicinity when something good happens." Dilbert says, "Wow. I just doubled the bit rate." Boss says, "Present!"
Friday September 03,
2010
Tags company lawyer, recall, poisonous spines, shake hands, quality assurance, arms out
Transcript
Company Lawyer Lawyer says, "We should consider doing a recall on our product." Lawyer says, "When it warms up, it explodes and hurls poisonous spines in every direction." The Boss says, "Where's the director of quality assurance?" Lawyer says, "Pinned to the test lab ceiling."
Saturday September 04,
2010
Tags new product, defective, kill, recall, fix, overalls, bleach, scrubby brush, shake hands
Transcript
The Boss says, "I have a new job for you. Our product is defective and it's killing customers." Dilbert says, "You want me to organize a recall?" The Boss says, "No." Dilbert says, "Engineer a fix?" The Boss says, "No." The Boss says, "You'll need overalls, several barrels of bleach and some sort of scrubby brush."
Friday September 17,
2010
Tags book deal, ghost writer, dog, publishing, first draft, quotes, knife, dying, dead, wave hand, animals
Transcript
Dogbert Publishing Dogbert says, "I'm assigning a ghost writer to tighten up your first draft." Dogbert says, "Technically, he's not a ghost yet. He's just a guy who lost a knife fight." Asok says, "How long do I have to wait?" Dogbert says, "If you're in a hurry, steer him toward the window."
Tuesday September 28,
2010
Tags new boyfriend, coworker, angry, jack, clench fist, engineer, social, engineering
Transcript
Alice says, "Dilbert, meet my new boyfriend, angry Jack." Alice says, "People say my high level of engineering skill comes at the cost of good social judgment." Dilbert says, "Alice, his name is Angry Jack." Alice says, "I think he wants to hold my hand now."
Friday October 15,
2010
Tags meeting, customers, trust, board, write, lie, raise hand, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "How can we rebuild the trust of our customers? Let's brainstorm." Dilbert says, "We could stop using misleading benchmark tests to sell shoddy products that have hidden costs." The Boss says, "I heard someone say 'lie.' Let's write that one down."
Saturday November 20,
2010
Tags meeting, boss, angry, annoyed, motivate, fail, read face, wave hand, business
Transcript
Wally says, "Once again, you have failed to motivate me." Wally says, "You said we shouldn't be motivated by money, so I'm waiting for the new thing to kick in." Wally says, "I'm not good at reading faces, but I think there's something happening over in this region."
Friday August 28,
2009
Tags date, shallow, ridiculous, looking, cell phone, failure, leaving, rejection, technology
Transcript
Woman says, "I judge potential mates by their cell phone apps. Hand it over." Woman says, "You have an app that does nothing but hurl pirate insults. That is so stupid. This date is over." Cell Phone says, "Don't let the door hit you in the booty. Aaaargh!"


