Six Million To Four Comic Strips - Page 30
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"I found a way to save a million dollars by spending only $10,000." "The $10,000 would come out of my budget but the savings would go into someone else's budget. It's not feasible." "Our stockholders might disagree." "That's why they aren't invited to meetings."
"Just because my head is an ashtray, that doesn't mean I can't be a good manager." "Ask me any question and I will show you my managerial talent." "The answer is six bags of potatoes!" "May I ask the question first?"
CEO: Google has offered to buy our company for $100 million just to get our engineers. I agreed to the deal because I'm a modern day slave trader who believes engineers are property and the rest of you have no economic value. Who wrote my speech? Employee: Someone with no economic value.
Mordac: Elbonian hackers stole a million usernames and passwords from our servers. So I send an army of data werewolves to track down the perpetrators and eat their entrails. Boss: How did you find an army of data werewolves? Mordac: LinkedIn
Dilbert: Here's the guy who hasn't responded to any of my seventeen emails, nine texts, and four voicemails. It must be awkward sitting here now. Are you trying to concoct a plausible excuse for ignoring my messages? Say hello to karma.
Boss: Some of the most famous geniuses in the world slept only four hours per night. I'm doing four hours a night too because you know what they say: correlation is the same thing as causation. Dilbert: No one says that. Boss: Oh, right. And I should take the word of an oversleeper.
The Boss; Your engineering looks great, but your social media score is nearly zero. You have no friends , no followers, and no social influence whatsoever. Man: because I four on my work! The Boss: No, Im pretty sure you're dead.
Wally: The biggest tech companies want to win the battle for your living room. But they are unwisely focusing on developing better TV sets. Today I give you me design for a fully digital couch. It has all of the features you would expect, including a butt warmer, surround sound, bottle opener and back scratcher. But you can also control the lights, curtains, temperature and TV by using your buttocks like a mouse on the seat cushion. This is a loft click and... this is a right. The prototype arrives tomorrow, and I'll be testing it for the next six months. Maybe I'll sell my house.