boss: you don't seem to be working.
wally: i don't want to start something new because it's almost the end of my work day.
boss: it's ten o'clock in the morning.
wally: and here comes the micro-managing.
new hire: i must leave you mental midgets behind as i go start up my own company. i was once dumb like all of you. then i started binge-watching ted talks, and i evolved.
dilbert: what are you now?
new hire: some kind of god, i assume.
boss to catbert: the secret to being a great manager is hiring people who are smarter than you are. then you have to take credit for their successes so they don't take your job. i also find it helpful to start rumors that they steal.
boss, alice and dilbert wearing face masks.
boss: i have been unjustly accused of being a white supremacist, and my boss just fired me for it. alice is the obvious choice to take my job, so i assume you will hear something on that soon. i wish i knew who had the motive to start that rumor and get me fired.
boss: we need to reduce our expense budget to 40% of our capital budget.
dilbert: why do we need to do that?
boss: because the ratio is too high.
dilbert: are you saying we can't afford it?
boss: no. i'm saying the ratio is too high.
dilbert: okay, but by what standard is it "too high"?
boss: by historical standards, it has never been this high.
dilbert: i don't think we want to start using an irrelevant ratio to manage the department.
boss: to be fair, this is just the first time you noticed.
boss: i couldn't help noticing you are having a heated discussion. watch me use my conflict resolution skills to lower the temperature. okay, what were you idiots yammering about?
tina: solid start.
wally: why did your parents name you karma?
karma: i don't have parents. i am karma.
wally: i suppose we have lots to discuss.
karma: let's start with volume one.
