Last Ounce Of Happiness Comic Strips - Page 31
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433 Results for Last Ounce Of Happiness
View 301 - 310 results for last ounce of happiness comic strips. Discover the best "Last Ounce Of Happiness" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday September 01,
2002
Tags #feedback meeting, #ball rolling, #long tern strategy, #leak to competition, #crushing, #cubicle dwelling, #optimists life, #never easy
Transcript
The Boss addresses a meeting, "Welcome to my quarterly employee feedback meeting." The Boss continues, "Who wants to get the ball rolling?" Asok raises his hand. Asok says, "It would be helpful if you told us our company's long term strategy." The Boss responds, "Oh, would it?" The Boss continues, "Why? So you can leak it to our competitors?" The Boss stands and yells, "Here's your stupid suggestion in my hand! I'm crushing it! Crush, crush, crush!!!!" The Boss pretends to stuff something in his mouth and yells, "Now I'll chew it up so I can spit it in your cubicle-dwelling face!!!" As they're walking out, Wally says to Asok, "You fell for that trap last quarter too." Asok replies, "An optimist's life is never easy."
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Sunday June 23,
2013
Tags #anger, #executives, #happiness, #deadline, #no disturbance, #threat, #fired, #do/dont, #sexist, #powertrip, #euphoria, #overpaid, #psychology
Transcript
Boss: I'm on a deadline, so don't let anyone disturb me for at least an hour. If anyone gets past you, you're fired. CEO: Tell your boss to come to my office now. Carol: He'll fire me if I disturb him. CEO: I'm your CEO! Disturb your boss now or I'll fire you. Boss: I heard that, and if you disturb me, you're fired. CEO: You're fired if you don't! Boss: You're fired if you do! CEO: Whoa! Hold on! I'm getting a sudden wave of euphoria. Boss: Me too! CEO: Is it because we're overpaid? Boss: It... it feels... wonderful!
Wednesday June 05,
2013
Tags #managers & supervisors, #ephermal middel manager, #look stupid, #business
Transcript
Boss: Say hello to the ephemeral middle manager. But hurry because he won't last long. Dilbert: Hi, I'm... Boss: Now you just look stupid.
Wednesday July 24,
2013
Tags #apathy, #work ethic, #new revisions, #work, #meaning
Transcript
Carol: Ignore the page revisions I send out ten minutes ago. Your boss revised them again. Dilbert: Can I ignore the new revisions, too? I'm only asking because that was my plan. Carol: Thank you for removing the last shred of meaning from my work. Dilbert: It's what I do.
Thursday August 29,
2013
Tags #coffee & tea, #inventions, #violence, #garbage disposal, #killed, #murder, #competetive
Transcript
Robot: Here is your coffee, as requested. Some guy tried to take the last cup, so I strangled him and put his remains down the garbage disposal. Wally: It's weird how that makes the coffee taste so much better.
Sunday October 13,
2013
Tags #executives, #flattery, #happiness, #underlings, #achievemnets, #warrants praise, #under budget, #head pat, #boss, #enjoys head pat, #psychology
Transcript
CEO: I read an article that says leaders should acknowledge the achievements of their underlings. Have you done anything lately that warrants some praise? Boss: Well... I'm under budget because I forgot to staff one of our projects. CEO: Okay, I can work with that. Now I think I'm supposed to pat you on the head or something. Let's try that and see how we feel. Stop leaning in. Boss: Feels... so... good.
Saturday November 09,
2013
Tags #complaining, #happiness, #tasks, #people, #commute, #paid less, #nothing about job, #psychology
Transcript
Dilbert: I like my job. But I don't like any of the tasks... or any of the people... I don't like the commute... and I'm paid less than I'm worth... and I'm not making the world a better place. Dogbert: Are you sure you like your job? Dilbert: Why do you ask?
Saturday November 30,
2013
Tags #complaining, #cruelty, #thinking, #thought diversity, #meeting, #fad, #business
Transcript
Boss: I'm looking for thought diversity in my hiring. That's a thing now. Alice: Really? That's a dumb thing. All you end up with is a bunch of people who can't agree. How do you like thought diversity now? Dilbert: That fad didn't last long.
Monday December 30,
2013
Tags #business ethics, #executives, #managers & supervisors, #kill or cannibalize, #business
Transcript
CEO: Experts say we need to be willing to kill or cannibalize our best businesses. Boss: I can do that. I've been killing our best businesses for years. CEO: That's all the leadership I have for today. Boss: That'll last me.
Saturday January 18,
2014
Tags #happiness, #mentally weak, #no ambition, #no self respect, #happiest person, #kill, #psychology
Transcript
Alice: You're mentally weak. You have no ambition, no pride, and no self-respect. Wally: I'm also the happiest person in this room. Alice: Now I just want to kill you.