2005 Comic Strips - Page 31
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Character
Monday December 19,
2005
Tags evil director, downsizing, human way, marketing ones, giant dung beetle, ball, poor performers
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "The downsizing will be handled in the most humane way I could think of." "I hired a giant dung beetle to roll the poor performers into a ball and out the door." "I can't get the marketing ones to stick. They keep sliding off."
Tuesday December 20,
2005
Tags intermediate species, hominid, oyster, light sensitive blob, serious pearl
Transcript
"Your resume says you're some kind of intermediary species." "That's right." "I'm halfway between hominid and oyster. Someday I hope my light-sensitive blob will become an eye!" "I don't think we can use you." "Oh, man, you're giving me a serious pearl."
Wednesday December 21,
2005
Tags charging time, projects, no work, wind, existence of your wind, farting around
Transcript
"Wally, you've been charging your time to several projects, but no one has ever seen you work." "You can't see the wind, either, but surely you don't doubt that it exists." "I've also gotten complaints about the existence of your wind." "I rest my case."
Thursday December 22,
2005
Tags cable, doesn't attach, create demand, young people dancing, budget cuts
Transcript
Our new product is a cable that doesn't attach to anything. "We hope to create demand via a series of commercials showing young people dancing." "And then we'll all go straight to hell." "He didn't take the last round of budget cuts well."
Friday December 23,
2005
Tags power point slide, strategy, change the world, delsuons, effectiveness
Transcript
"This PowerPoint slide could change our entire company strategy." "The rest of the industry would have to copy us, and that could change the entire world!" "Someone has been having delusions of effectiveness."
Saturday December 24,
2005
Tags power point zone, real wolrd, bullet points, imaginary prodcutivity, eight lsides
Transcript
I am entering the PowerPoint zone. "I no longer feel the need to change the real world as long as I can change these bullet points." "How much imaginary productivity did you have today?" "Eight slides!"
Monday December 26,
2005
Tags less money, use bydget, flexible, approving expenses
Transcript
"I need to use up my budget before the end of the year or else I'll get less next year." "So I'll be flexible about approving expenses for a few days. Wink, wink." "Nice coffee-holding panda." "You should see the one that isn't pregnant."
Tuesday December 27,
2005
Tags try rebooting, tech support, clone yourself, adoption, notice bugs, slapped 1.0 together, parents
Transcript
Dogbert's Tech Support "Try rebooting yourself." "Clone yourself, put the clone up for adoption, and hope intelligence can be influenced by the environment." "Evidently your parents slapped together Version 1.0 of you and hoped no one would notice the bugs..."
Wednesday December 28,
2005
Tags new guy, project staus report, random pharse, generatormmeail, listens, when he's talking
Transcript
"Alice, can you show the new guy how to do a project status report?" "He doesn't read them, so we all use a random phrase generator. I'll e-mail it to you." "You said that in front of him." "He only listens when he's talking."
Thursday December 29,
2005
Tags employee of the month, award, don't know my job, never listen, boss
Transcript
"The employee of the month is Tina, for all of the um...various work that she does." "You have stripped this award of its meaning by showing that you don't even know what my job is." "It's as if you've never listened to anything I've ever said." "You're welcome!"

