2020 Comic Strips - Page 31

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Lover Not A Fighter

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Lover Not A Fighter - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, software, price, lover, fighter, report, human resources, bully, sexual discrimination

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dilbert: i'd fight with you on the price of this software, but i'm more of a lover than a fighter. female software vendor: are you hitting on me? you'd better buy my software now, or i'll report you to your own human resources. dilbert: okay. okay. i'll do anything you want. female software vendor: wow. you were right when you said you're not a fighter.

Cushion In Schedule

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Cushion In Schedule - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, weekend, work, deadline, due date, schedule, input, critical, liar, credibility, exaggerate

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dilbert: i worked all weekend to get this done for you by the deadline. boss: thanks, but i won't need it for another two weeks. dilbert: then...why did you tell me the deadline was today? boss: i built some cushion into the schedule. dilbert: you mean, you lied to me about the real deadline. in other words, you don't trust me, you are a liar, and i should never believe you again. boss: but you didn't miss the deadline! dilbert: okay, well, at least my input is critical to our success. boss: i might have exaggerated that.

Satellite Launch

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Satellite Launch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags satellite, launch, radar, alien, spaceship, systems, technology, reality, suggestion, rocket, trajectory, bird, belgium

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dilbert in control room with others: we've triple-checked all systems, and we are ready to launch the satellite. nothing can go wrong. initiating launch. boss: nothing can go wrong? what if an alien spaceship appears over the launch site? dilbert: gaaa!!! don't jinx us. boss: that's not how reality works. i can't make things happen just by suggesting them. dilbert: you're wrong! that is exactly how reality works! wa;;y: something just appeared on radar directly above the rockets trajectory. boss: maybe it's a bird. wally: it's the size of belgium.

A Feeling You Are Doing It Wrong

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A Feeling You Are Doing It Wrong  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, correct, friends, mistakes, sarcasm, technology, watch, wrong

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dilbert: i have a feeling you are doing something wrong, but i don't know what. do you mind if i watch over your shoulder and look for mistakes as you make them? coworker: you don't have friends, do you? dilbert: i like to travel light.

Credit Goes To Boss

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Credit Goes To Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, business, culture, idea, managers & supervisors, ownership, report, technology

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boss: i realize this report has dilbert's name on it, but the credit goes to me. because i ordered him to do it. dilbert: actually, i came up with the idea and wrote it on my own time. boss: well, i created the culture that made it all possible. dilbert yelling: i did the work!!!

Dunning Kruger

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Dunning Kruger  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags health, sarcasm, business, dunning-kruger effect, psychology, narcissist, glory, coffee

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tina: the dunning-kruger effect is strong in you. dilbert: technically, you can't know if i am suffering from it or if you only think i am because you have it. tina: only a narcissist talks that way. dilbert: i feel as if i have no path to glory here.

32 Page Slide Deck

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32 Page Slide Deck - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, idiot, input, insult, sadist, sarcasm, slide deck, technology

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co-worker: would you mind reviewing my 32-page slide deck and giving me your thoughts? dilbert: my thoughts are that only a sadist or an idiot would make a 32-page slide deck. co-worker: you'll never guess which one i am. dilbert: i feel as if i could.

Code Reuse

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Code Reuse - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, code, reality, reuse, simulation, software, technology

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dilbert talking to dilbert: well, i knew this would happen sooner or later. you're an example of code reuse, which proves this reality is a software simulation. dilbert: technically, that's not a "proof." dilbert: hello, me!

Where To Go To Lunch

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Where To Go To Lunch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, co-workers, feelings, invitation, lunch, psychology, social, thai place, hungry

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dilbert: where do you want to go to lunch? tina: i want you to suggest a place so i can say yes but still make you feel bad about it. dilbert: how about the thai place? tina: pffft. sure. i'm not that hungry anyway.

Boss Ear Piece

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Boss Ear Piece - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags answers, blockchain, business, ear piece, evil, ignorance, managers & supervisors, smart, technology

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boss: later i have a meeting about blockchain and i don't understand anything about it. i'll be wearing this earpiece, and i want you to feed me smart lines. dilbert at home talking to dogbert: do you want to do something evil? dogbert: say no more. give me that.