Ceo Comic Strips - Page 31
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627 Results for Ceo
View 301 - 310 results for ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday October 15,
2012
Tags poor persons, rich people, homely, middle class, capitalism
Transcript
CEO: I don't know how to say this delicately so I'll just say it. Looking at your homely, middle-class face makes my skin crawl. Never speak directly to me again. Sometimes I think they don't understand capitalism.
Tuesday October 16,
2012
Tags business ethics, wages, saved company millions, no bonus, ceo plans, 500 million, acquisitions, go team, money
Transcript
Boss: Alice, your great work this year saved the company $10 million. But I can't give you a bonus because our CEO plans to write down $500 million for acquisitions gone bad. Go team!
Friday October 19,
2012
Tags business ethics, consumer protection, court ordered, good defense, internal emails, known to be dangerous
Transcript
Lawyer: The court ordered us to turn over all of our internal emails. Have you ever mentioned in email that our products are known to be dangerous but we don't care? CEO: I don't even know what products we make. Lawyer: That's a good defense. We might need that.
Saturday October 20,
2012
Tags business failures/bankruptcies, executives, wages, long tern survival, innovate ways, cannibalize, current prodcuts, lose a fortune, ceo's compensation, revenue dips, hovel, some ideas, money
Transcript
Dilbert: Our only hope for long-term survival is to innovate in ways that cannibalize our current products. The downside is that you'll lose a fortune in CEO compensation when our revenue dips in the short run. CEO: Thanks. I'll stop by your hovel later with some ideas for ruining your life, too.
Monday October 22,
2012
Tags executives, weapons, constructive criticsim, humble intern, eye lasers, stings, surprise, ceo, evil
Transcript
Asok: Would you accept some constructive criticism from a humble intern? CEO: Activating eye lasers! Asok: It stings for a few minutes, and then you surprise yourself with what you can get used to.
Tuesday November 06,
2012
Tags business failures/bankruptcies, honesty, slide toward irrelevance, redesign logo, produce tablet computer, ugly truth, personified
Transcript
Man: There's nothing you can do about your company's long slide toward irrelevance. But if you redesign your logo and produce a tablet computer that no one buys, at least it will look like you're trying. CEO: Who are you? Man: I'm the ugly truth. Most people just ignore me.
Thursday November 08,
2012
Tags inventions, waterworks, invented filter, raw sewage, pure drinking water, clean water, upper container, drank contaminated water
Transcript
Dilbert: I invented a filter that can turn raw sewage into pure drinking water in seconds. CEO: Glug glug glug. Dilbert: The clean water ends up here in the upper container.
Friday November 09,
2012
Tags confusion, drank sewage, happiness, prototype, untreated sewage, water purification, psychology
Transcript
Dilbert: Let me tell you what kind of day I had at work. There was some confusion about my water purification prototype, and our CEO drank eight ounces of untreated sewage. Dogbert: So... best day ever? Dilbert: It'll be hard to top.
Thursday November 15,
2012
Tags executives, new strategy, nimble, meeting, business plan, business
Transcript
CEO: Our new strategy is to be nimble. Dilbert: Is that the same as saying our strategy is to have no strategy? CEO: Just do your job. Dilbert: Can I be nimble instead?
Saturday November 17,
2012
Tags executives, honesty, low margins, make money, extended warrantees, idiots, forgetful, take advantage
Transcript
CEO Investor Call CEO: Our margins are so low that we gave up trying to make money that way. Now we make all of our money selling extended warranties to idiots who will forget they bought them. Woot-woot! Guess what the margin on that is! Ha ha! Dilbert: It's okay. We don't let him connect to the outside.


