Move Things Comic Strips - Page 31

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546 Results for Move Things

View 301 - 310 results for move things comic strips. Discover the best "Move Things" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2008's comic on:


Tags #improbable solution, #work problem, #one million, #business model

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Dilbert: I need an improbable solution to a work problem.Deus ex machina services. Dogbert says, "Sure. I charge one million dollars for each improbable solution." Dilbert says, "Okay, then I also need an improbable way to get things from you for free." Dogbert says, "Stop breaking my business model."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #not attracted, #long enough, #fix things, #tech support, #use abilities, #no action

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Tina: I'm not attracted to you, but I'd like to date you for one month. That should be long enough to resolve any tech support issues on my home computer, cell phone and home theater." Dilbert: Would there be any kissing? Tina: What kind of girl do you think I am?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2008's comic on:


Tags #churn butter, #needs, #next budget cycle, #not in budget, #broken computer

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Dilbert says, "My computer is broken. I need a new one." The Boss says, "We don't have the budget." The Boss says, "Do things that don't require a computer until the next budget cycle." Dilbert says, "Like churning my own butter?" The Boss says, "You make it sound creepy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2008's comic on:


Tags #boss vacation, #announcement made, #cheering, #employees cheer, #2 weeks

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The Boss says, "I'm off for two relaxing weeks of well-earned vacation." Carol says, "Attention all employees. The stain is on the move. I repeat, the stain is on the move." Employees say, "YIPPEE! WOO-HOO! YES!" The Boss thinks, "Relaxing just got harder."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2008's comic on:


Tags #entire budget, #empire building, #work on trendy things, #vote to cut budget

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Filling in for the Pointy-Haired Boss A man says, "Does your department need its entire budget this year?" Dilbert says, "no, we'll waste most of it on empire building and appearing to work on trendy things." The man says, "All in favor of cutting this guy's budget in half?" Dilbert says, "I call do-over! Do-over!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #failed to accomplish.objectives, #physical impossiblities, #logical impossibilities, #unforeseen problems, #spying, #consumer fraud, #win converstaion

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The Boss says, "Why have you failed to accomplish any of your objectives this quarter?" Dilbert says, "Well, I took the objectives you gave me and put them into three categories." Dilbert says, "The first group includes physical impossibilities, such as being in two places at the same time." Dilbert says, "The second group includes logical impossibilities, such as anticipating unforeseen problems." Dilbert says, "Last, we have the illegal objectives, including industrial spying and consumer fraud." Dilbert says, "So I spend my time doing things that are both important and legal, while hoping you wouldn't fire me for it." Dilbert says, "Whoa, what just happened? Is it my imagination, or did I just win this conversation?" Dilbert says, "It was my imagination."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2008's comic on:


Tags #hold hand, #project, #work independently, #trap, #failure or insubordination, #hidden camera shows, #joke on me

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The Boss says, "Asok, I won't have time to hold your hand on this project." The Boss says, "You need to work independently." The Boss says, "And by that I mean you should imagine what I would tell you to do, then do it." Asok says, "But... I can only imagine you telling me stupid things." Asok says, "Holy Shiva! This is a trap!" Asok says, "My choices are failure or insubordination." Asok says, "My only hope is that I'm in one of those hidden camera shows and this is all a big joke on me." Dilbert says, "Find anything?" Asok says, "Can't... stop... looking."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2008's comic on:


Tags #lawsuit, #represent in lawsuit, #one condition, #do everything, #without hesitation

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Dilbert says, "Will you represent me in my lawsuit against my CEO?" Dogbert says, "Under one condition." Dogbert says, "You must do everything I ask, without question or hesitation." Dilbert says, "What if you tell me to do painful things for your amusement?" "Dogbert says, "If?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2008's comic on:


Tags #health problems, #absenteeism, #raise, #avoid exercise

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Wally says, "Health problems and absenteeism are a huge cost to this business." The Boss says, "So?" Wally says, "So give me a raise, or I'll eat unhealthy food and avoid all forms of exercise." The Boss says, "You already do those things." Wally says, "How could you possibly know that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2008's comic on:


Tags #amorphous cloud of gas, #once human, #avoid commitment, #molecules stop binding, #subtle odor, #copier room, #micromanage, #input

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The Boss says, "We can't move forward until you get input from Allen." The Boss says, "And that won't be easy. Allen is an amorphous cloud of gas." The Boss says, "He once was human like us." The Boss says, "Allen was afraid to give his opinion or make a decision." The Boss says, "He put so much effort into avoiding commitment that his molecules stopped binding together." The Boss says, "Now he exists as nothing but a subtle odor near the copier room." Dilbert says, "How can I get his input?" The Boss says, "Don't make me micromanage you." Dilbert says, "Allen? Is that you?" Wally says, "Sorry."