Realize Engineer Comic Strips - Page 31

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318 Results for Realize Engineer

View 301 - 310 results for realize engineer comic strips. Discover the best "Realize Engineer" comics from Dilbert.com.

What Classes To Be An Engineer

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What Classes To Be An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #intelligence, #insult, #Advice, #logic, #engineer, #engineering

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Man: What kinds of classes should I take to become an engineer? Alice: Start by taking whatever kind of class makes you fifty percent smarter. Man: Then what? Alice: Then you won't need to ask me what to do next.

Glass Is Half Full

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Glass Is Half Full - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #the boss, #glass, #half empty, #half full, #the engineer, #pie hole

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The Boss: A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says it is half full. Dilbert: The engineer says the glass is too big. The Boss: The manager says the engineer should shut his pie hole.

Device Can Read Minds

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Device Can Read Minds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #device, #read, #thoughts, #turn, #computer, #commands, #theories, #engineer, #engineering, #invention, #nothing, #broken

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Dilbert: I invented a device that can read your thoughts and turn them into computer commands. The Boss: Nothing is happening. Is it broken? Dilbert: That's one of my top two theories.

Fetching Coffee

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Fetching Coffee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 2018's comic on:


Tags #elderly, #engineering, #men and women, #office workers

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Ned: They call me "Old Ned as if I haven't kept up with the times. But watch me tell you to fetch me some coffee from Starbucks just like the young folks do. Alice: I'm a senior software engineer. Ned: I'm not getting any less thirsty here.

Two Step Reorg

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Two Step Reorg - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #reorganization

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the boss: i just got word that we're about to start a two-step reorg. the boss: in step one, we will centralize functions. then, in step two, we will realize it was a huge mistake and reorganize back to the old way. ted: why don't we just keep it the way it is? dilbert: first day?

Why Did You Not Tell Me Sooner

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Why Did You Not Tell Me Sooner - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #career, #information, #office, #problem

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the boss to dilbert: why didn't you tell me about this problem earlier? dilbert: because you would have made decisions based on incomplete information and ruined my career. the boss walking away: okay, i didn't realize that was obvious.

Wally Has Higher Income

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Wally Has Higher Income - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2019's comic on:


Tags #lying, #managers & supervisors, #money, #office workers, #bribe, #salary

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Wally: Now that I'm the boss's new pet employee, my income is higher than ever. Dilbert: I didn't realize it came with a raise. Wally: It's more of an indirect thing. Man: I'll give you $100 to tell the boss good things about me. Wally: My price for lying is $200.

No One Is Taking Advice

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No One Is Taking Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2019's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #confidence, #employees, #jobs, #office workers, #youth

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Man: I keep telling people how to do their jobs, but no one takes my advice. Wally: Maybe that's because you are so inexperienced that you don't realize how bad your advice is. That's ridiculous. How could I be so wrong and yet feel so confident? Wally: I miss being young.

Microaggressions

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Microaggressions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office workers, #human resources, #micro aggressions, #hire, #engineer

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catbert: someone reported you to human resources for all of your micro aggressions dilbert: what would be an example of one? catbert: it doesn't matter dilbert: it feels as of to should matter catbert: this is why engineers never get hired for human resources

Sadist Designs Interface

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Sadist Designs Interface - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2019's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #technology, #user, #interfaces, #job, #unwanted, #customers, #sadist, #stockholm

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boss: i hired a sadist to design our user interfaces. i realize this isn't ideal, but no one else wanted the job. dilbert: why would our customers buy a product designed by a sadist? boss: it's called stockholm syndrome.