Shake Hands Comic Strips - Page 31

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

499 Results for Shake Hands

View 301 - 310 results for shake hands comic strips. Discover the best "Shake Hands" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bare minimum, porject, half amount, fail, get started

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert hands the boss a piece of paper and says, "This is the bare minimum budget I need for my project." The boss says, "What could you do with half of this amount?" Dilbert says, "Fail." The boss says, "When can you start?" Dilbert says, "I think I just did."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags warm wall, remove sheetrock, finding defects, smell propane

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert puts his hands on a wall in Dilmom's living room. Dilbert says, "Your wall is warm, mom." Dilmom says, "Is that bad?" Dilbert says, "There's no way to be sure unless you remove the sheetrock and look." Dilmom says, "Please stop finding defects in my house." Dilbert says, "I smell proprane."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags positive attitude alice, coworker, paper weight, throws at head, clocks head, positive attitude

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice works at her computer. The Boss says, "It's 'positive attitude week,' Alice." The Boss hands Alice a paperweight. The Boss says, "If you see a co-worker with a positive attitude..." The Boss says, "...give him the positive attitude paperweight." A man walks down the hall whistling, as Alice cocks her arm with the paperweight. Alice says, "There's one!" The paperweight glances of the man's head. Alice says to The Boss, "It worked. He's back to normal. The man says, "#$!!" Wally says, "Ha Ha Ha!!" Alice thinks, "Uh-oh." The man says, "#$!!" Alice says to the boss, "One more! Quick!!" The Boss covers his eyes in frustration.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags judy, missing days, judy isn't here, morale is higher, coughing, certificate

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss is standing drawing his arm in the direction of Judy, who is standing beside him. The boss says, "The attendance award goes to Judy for missing the most days." As the employees sit and applaud, the boss says, "I think we all agree that morale is higher when Judy isn't here." The boss hands Judy a certificate and says, "We took turns coughing on the certificate."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags speak english, think in french, french lessons, croissant

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol is standing next to the boss's desk holding a folder. The boss is sitting at his desk while signing a sheet of paper says: "I speak English but I think in French." The boss hands a sheet of paper to Carol and says: "Someday I'll take French lessons to find out what the heck I'm thinking." Carol exits the boss's office and the boss thinks: "Croissant"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new employees, sophie, engineer, incompetent husband, agree to relocate, talent, addition, squirrel heads, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss pokes his head into Dilbert's cubicle and says to Dilbert: "Dilbert, come meet the two new employees." The boss introduces Dilbert to the new employee and they both extend their hands to shake. The boss says: "This is Sophie, one of the best engineers in the business." Dilbert thinks: "the drawing of a heart" The boss points to the other new employee and says: "The other one is her imcompetent husband." The boss stands between the two new employess and says: "We had to hire him so Sophie would agree to relocate." The husband says to the boss: "Are you saying I didn't get hired for my talent." Sophie says to her husband: "You don't have any talent, honey" The husband answers: "Oh, that's right." The boss stands with his back to the husband and says to Dilbert: "Dilbert, your job is to do his job in addition to your own." Dilbert is sitting at his computer with Sophie's husband to his side. The husband says: "Do you want to see my collection of squirrel heads?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rescheduled meeting, meeting, premeeting, schedule, pre care, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol walks into Dilbert's cubicle hands him a folder and says to Dilbert: "I rescheduled the pre-meeting." Dilbert looks at the folder and says to Carol: "Now the pre-meeting is after the meeting." Carol says to Dilbert: "I'll schedule some time for me to pre-care."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags project, cancelled, never love agian, remounce religion

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is holding a mug and walking behind Asok. Dilbert says to Asok: "I heard your project got cancelled." Asok stops and says: "What?" Asok screams and shakes his hands in the air in front of Dilbert: "No! No! Why me? I'll never love again!!" Asok's hair is standing up and he is grabbing his tie with wild eyes. Asok says to Dilbert: "I renounce my religion." Dilbert says: "Ouch."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blood pressure screening, below company average, get away with

View Transcript

Transcript

FREE BLOOD PRESSURE SCREENING TODAY blod pressure screening, below average, more work, Dilbert and the boss are in line to have their blood pressure taken. The boss is holding some folders. Over the head of the woman who is taking Dilbert's blood pressure hangs a board that reads: "Free blood pressure screening today" The woman says to Dilbert: "135 over 88." The boss hands some folders to Dilbert and says: "You're bellow the company average. Here's some more work." Dilbert looks surprised. The boss is behind Dilbert, who is walking all worked up and angry. The boss says to Dilbert: "How long did you think you could get away with that?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laptop computer, order for me, tech seminar, hawaii, sign up, four day weekend, eat catepillar, recognize pattern, copies everything, boss

View Transcript

Transcript

Susan is standing in front of the boss who is sittind at his desk. Susan says: "May I get a laptop computer?" The boss answers: "No, but you can order one for me." Dilbert hands a sheet of paper to the boss and says: "May I go to this technical seminar in Hawaii? The boss answers: "No, but you can sign me up for it." Alice shows the boss a calendar and says: "May I take this Friday off so I have a four day weekend?" The boss answers: "No, but you can sit in for me while I take that Friday off." Wally says to the boss:"May I eat this caterpillar?" The boss answers: "Give me that." The boss is sitting at his desk all by himself and thinks: " I hope they never recognize the pattern." while he is chewing the caterpillar.