Ted Comic Strips - Page 31
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Character
448 Results for Ted
View 301 - 310 results for ted comic strips. Discover the best "Ted" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday November 10,
2012
Tags work ethic, 90 day performance plan, low ambitions
Transcript
Boss: Ted, I'm putting you on a ninety-day performance improvement play. Ted: Yes!!! I've always dreamed of making it onto the performance improvement plan! Boss: It's not as good as it sounds. Ted: With all due respect, you don't know how low my ambitions are.
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Monday November 12,
2012
Tags employees, improvement plan, 90 day, individual honor, valuable service, polite, thanks, business
Transcript
Ted: Guess who made it onto the generic ninety-day improvement plan. I don't think of it as an individual honor. I think of it as doing a valuable service for the team. Dilbert: Should we thank him? Wally: Are we polite now?
Tuesday December 11,
2012
Tags business ethics, mergers & acquisitions, redendancy, hard work, fired, card board boxes
Transcript
Boss: Ted, the merger has made your job redundant. As a reward for your years of hard work, feel free to use one of our cardboard boxes to get your junk out of here. Uh-oh. It looks like we forgot to hide the good boxes.
Thursday January 24,
2013
Tags models, out of stiock, credibility, bait and switch, tactics, sales, technology, computer, tablets, business
Transcript
Our model XR35 is the only one that will work in your situation. The other models would be nightmares. Dilbert: Okay, we'll take the XR35. Ted: Opps it appears we are out of stock. Dilbert: This is the part where your credibility comes into question. Ted: Have you looked at ethics's XP9? I think it would be perfect.
Sunday March 17,
2013
Tags angel, fix things, granted wishes, know it all, needy, questions, things gone wrong, workers, angel of competence
Transcript
Angel: I am the angel of competence. I have come to mark you as an engineer turn around, Dilbert: So, its like an honor? Angel: Sure, if that makes you feel better. The Boss: Can you show me how to set ups my wireless router at home? Tina: My phone keeps freezing up, can you look at it? Ted: How long should I barbecue trick-tip? Man: The pilot lightly on my water heater is out, How do you fix cracks in a driveway? what exactly does iCloud do? GAAA!!! Dilbert: I need to talk to the angel of competence have you seen him? Wally: He died in my cubicle, Thats all Im saying.
Friday August 09,
2013
Tags boredom, cruelty, managers & supervisors, expensive, japanese management technique, banishment room, tolerance for boredom, business
Transcript
Boss: Ted, I don't want to fire you because that would be expensive. So I'm borrowing a Japanese management technique and transferring you to a banishment room until you get so bored you quit. Ted: Looks like someone underestimated my tolerance for boredom.
Sunday October 27,
2013
Tags competition (psychology), computer programmers, code, writing code, conspiracy theories
Transcript
Boss: I'd like to recognize Ted for writing his part of the code in just two days. Dilbert: How many days was it supposed to take? Boss: At least a week, I would think. Dilbert: Why would you think that? Boss: Because it was so hard to do. Dilbert: Who told you it was hard? Boss: Ted did. Dilbert: All he did was delete some lines from existing code and recompile it. Ted: It was hard. Boss: See! Wally: Do you have any more crazy conspiracy theories?
Sunday December 22,
2013
Tags inventions, automate, drone, send drone, designed, hydrogen, wool sweater, humanity
Transcript
Boss: I found a way to automate the hardest part of my job. I used to do a log of "management by walking around." It was exhausting. Now I just send my drone. I designed it myself and had it built in Elbonia. The hydrogen makes it lighter than air. Dilbert: Hydrogen? Boss: Let's see what Ted is up to. He's wearing a wool sweater today. Ted: Oh, the humanity! Boss: Hold this.
Monday January 06,
2014
Tags managers & supervisors, suspicion, startegic engineer group, worst in one group, insightful, business
Transcript
Boss: Ted, I'm moving you to a newly formed strategic engineering group. Ted; Are you putting all of your worst employees in one group so you can later eliminate the function and avoid firing each person individually? Boss: You picked a bad time to to become insightful.
Wednesday February 26,
2014
Tags public speaking, stress, 10 thousand attendees, don't be stressed, nervous, fall apart, speech, large audience
Transcript
Boss: Ted, I want you to give a speech to ten thousand conference attendees. You'll be great. Don't get stressed. I said "don't."

