Ten Billion Dollars Comic Strips - Page 31

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

390 Results for Ten Billion Dollars

View 301 - 310 results for ten billion dollars comic strips. Discover the best "Ten Billion Dollars" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dog, facebook, facebook page, internet & world wide web, linkedin, stocks, twitter, websites, work ethic, working from home, distractions, animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm working at home today. It will be as if we're co-workers. Dogbert: Ugh. This madness must stop! You should check your Facebook page to see what's new. You should check Twitter. Dilbert: I'm almost finished with Facebook. Dogbert: Did you get my LinkedIn request? Dilbert: I'll check. Dogbert: I send you some links to funny websites. Dilbert: Cool! I just spent ten hours at my computer and I can't remember why I was sitting there in the first place. Dogbert: You were going to check your stocks. Dilbert: Okay. That sounds right. Two Hours Later. Two Hours Later. Two Hours Later.

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, fired, programming code, undocumented, passwords, death spiral, huge raise

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, you have accomplished none of your goals. I have to let you go. Wally: Actually, I accomplished a lot. I spent the past ten years creating a tangle of undocumented programming code. Every one of our major systems is linked to it. If I don't enter a password every day, the entire company will go into a technology death spiral. If you value your job, you'll give me a huge raise and dance on this table like a monkey!!! Boss: Let's call it a tie. Wally: Yeah, I'm good with that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, engineers, wages, start up, million each, under paid, money, salray, paid workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: This is one of the engineers that works at the start-up we purchased. We bought the company just to get the engineers. Basically, each engineer cost us a million dollars. Dilbert: I'm so underpaid! Engineer: That money didn't go to me!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, questioning, bought start up, million dollars, diet coke, wine

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: We bought a start-up just so we could get the engineers, including you. Do something that's worth a million dollars. I want to see what that looks like. Coworker: You don't sound entirely sincere. Alice: Can you turn my Diet Coke into wine?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags frustration, questioning, navigation button, top of page, idea people, difficult, people not answering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Would it be better with the navigation button at the top of the page? Coworker: I can make that change. Dilbert: I know you can make the change. I'm asking if you agree it would be a good idea. Coworker: It's no problem to move buttons. Dilbert: But is it a good idea? Coworker: I can have it done in ten minutes. Dilbert: But should we do it at all? Coworker: Whatever you want. Dilbert: That is not an answer! Forget it! I'm going to tell your boss you're difficult to work with. Asok: When will you move the button. Coworker: As soon as it's my idea.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apathy, work ethic, new revisions, work, meaning

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Ignore the page revisions I send out ten minutes ago. Your boss revised them again. Dilbert: Can I ignore the new revisions, too? I'm only asking because that was my plan. Carol: Thank you for removing the last shred of meaning from my work. Dilbert: It's what I do.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competition (psychology), laziness, passive job seeker, rope, sleeping, tied up, coffee cup, chair, bound

View Transcript

Transcript

Recruiters Recruiter 1: Hey, is that a passive job seeker? Wally: ZZZZZZ. Recruiter 2: Back off! I saw him first. This rope hols my place until he wakes up. Wally: ZZZZZZ. I will pay you a thousand dollars to drop a long straw in this cup.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags thinking, wounds & injuries, black eye, blanket, billon dollar, tech decsions

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: How'd you bet the black eye? Boss: I was pulling up my blanket in bed. My hand slipped and I punched myself in the face. Dilbert: Okay, let's make some billion-dollar technology decisions.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags annoyance, money, budget estimate, project, one billion dollars, unreasonable

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need a budget estimate for your project. Dilbert: One billion dollars. Boss: That doesn't sound reasonable. Dilbert: I'll shout numbers and you can stop me when one sounds reasonable. Boss: Please stop being you. Dilbert: Eleven!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, internet & world wide web, social media cosultant, one like, less than ten thousand, insulting, elbonian, inflate your like count, socialize, wine glasses, bar wine, kiss, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a social media consultant. Dilbert: I like you. Woman: Phhht. You're giving me one like? Anything less than ten thousand likes is an insult. Dilbert: I'll be right back. I hired an Elbonian to artificially inflate your like count. Elbonian: Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like. Dilbert: I am not paying that guy.