Ceo Comic Strips - Page 31
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Character
627 Results for Ceo
View 301 - 310 results for CEO comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday February 16,
2013
Tags ignorance (knowledge), managers & supervisors, values, don't run with scissors, ask for raises, employee values, business
Transcript
CEO: Experts say we need to empower employees with "values." So I guess we need some values, whatever the heck those are. Boss: I think it's like "Don't run with scissors." CEO: Let's start with that and see if they stop asking for raises.
Wednesday February 13,
2013
Tags fantasy, emotional connection, fantasizing
Transcript
CEO: We need to form an emotional connection with our customers. Wally: Does fantasizing count? CEO: Trade seats with me. Wally: I'm doing it right now.
Thursday January 31,
2013
Tags fear, inventions, machine learning, track customers, machines take over, annihilate all humans
Transcript
CEO: Our machine learning technology allows us to track customer preferences and use that knowledge to manipulate them. Dilbert: That seems like the step that happens right before the machines take over the earth and annihilate all humans. CEO: There's always one person in every crowd who says that. Dilbert: Not for much longer, apparently.
Wednesday January 30,
2013
Tags questioning, ceo, lawyer, salespeople, psychopathy, disembowle, rhetorical, legal
Transcript
CEO: You might be wondering why I called this meeting. Dilbert: Well, I see a CEO, a company lawyer, and two salespeople. Those jobs are highly correlated with psychopathy. My guess is that you invited me here to disembowel me. CEO: It was rhetorical!
Wednesday January 23,
2013
Tags gadgets, tablet computer, dime sized computer, lick it, attach to eyeballs, fail, fast fail, finish in month
Transcript
CEO: I have a vision that our next product will be a tablet computer the size of a dime. Users will lick it and attach it to their eyeballs. Can you finish that in a month? Dilbert: I can fail at any speed you like.
Monday January 21,
2013
Tags executives, patents, patent applications, desiccated turnip
Transcript
CEO: Put my name above yours on all of your patent applications. Because your brain, without the genius of my leadership, would be like a desiccated turnip. All you are, and all you will ever be... Dilbet: Right... got it... name on patent...
Sunday December 30,
2012
Tags delusional sociopath, executives, gardener, goat writing autobiograohy, hallucinations, hard work, intuition, magical thinking, non-fiction, vision, regrets
Transcript
Dogbert: I finished ghostwriting your autobiography. CEO: "I was ridiculously lucky. The End." I was hoping you'd include something about all of my hard work. Dogbert: You didn't work any harder than your gardener, and he lives in his truck. CEO: What about my vision and intuition? Dogbert: My first draft had a chapter on your hallucinations and magical thinking. But I covered that ground with the title: "I'm A Delusional Sociopath And You Can Too." CEO: I'm starting to regret paying you in advance.
Saturday December 29,
2012
Tags executives, managers & supervisors, reorganizing, overthinking, business
Transcript
CEO: I'm reorganizing the company and giving every manager a new job. Boss: Why? CEO: You're over-thinking it.
Thursday December 20,
2012
Tags anger, wages, ceo motivate, feeling of engemnet, long term goal, engaement, money
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO says I need to motivate you with a feeling of engagement, not higher pay. The long-term goal is to get you to pay us for the privilege of working here. I heard words I didn't know were words. CEO: Try giving her more engagement.
Wednesday December 19,
2012
Tags executives, public opinion, feel engaged, meeting, appearences, business
Transcript
CEO: Before I make my decision, I'd like to ask for your opinions. It's supposed to make you feel "engaged." Dilbert: And you actually plan to listen to us? CEO: I'm hoping it will look that way on the outside.


