Catbert Comic Strips - Page 31
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655 Results for Catbert
View 301 - 310 results for Catbert comic strips. Discover the best "Catbert" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday July 03,
2007
Tags compensation, different classes, segment, paid, relatively unimportant segment
Transcript
CatBert: I decided to segment the compensation of different classes of employees. "You'll be in the segment that gets paid the same no matter what you do." "I call your segment the 'relatively unimportant' segment." Tina: "Catchy."
Monday July 02,
2007
Tags strategic asset, market share, fire yourself, accountabilty
Transcript
The Boss: Human resources is a company's most important strategic asset. "That means it's your fault we're losing market share. Maybe you should fire yourself." "Strategic assets don't like accountability."
Friday June 22,
2007
Tags ignored, coworker, acknowledge existence, uniportant, talking clothes, fretting, mean, anxiety
Transcript
Asok: "Alice, may I ask you a question? Alice? Alice?" Asok: "Gaaa! Am I so unimportant you feel no need to acknowledge my existence???" "Am I totally unimportant?" Catbert: "Hey, it's a bunch of talking clothes!"
Sunday June 10,
2007
Tags corporate strategy, plan, consistent, leveraging platforms, rewrite plan, pretend to follow
Transcript
The Boss: "Is your plan consistent with our corporate strategy?" Dilbert: "How would I know?" The Boss: "Don't you know our strategy?" Dilbert: "No. Do you?" The Boss: "Of course I do. It's something about leveraging our platforms." "Does your plan leverage our platforms?" Dilbert: "No, but I can rewrite my plan so it seems as if it does." The Boss: "Good. Go back and do that." "There's no point in having a strategy if you aren't going to pretend to follow it."
Thursday June 07,
2007
Tags managing, easier, awards for best places, work, handle situation, losers
Transcript
The Boss: Managing is a lot easier now that we've given up on winning one of those 'Best Places to Work' awards. Dilbert: "Do you have a minute?" The Boss: "Not for losers." "There was a time when I wouldn't have known how to handle that situation."
Wednesday June 06,
2007
Tags new dress code, consolidating, offcies, 20 people cubicle, impossible, thin film pil, no clothes, bad conditions, worst place work, awards, demoralize, inhumane, horrid conditions
Transcript
Catbert: The new dress code is a thin film of oil. "We're consolidating offices and we need to fit twenty people in each cubicle." Dilbert: "They've pretty much given up on winning one of those awards for best places to work."
Thursday May 24,
2007
Monday May 14,
2007
Wednesday May 02,
2007
Tags absurd aasignments, cartoonist, comic embarrasing, cubicle, evaluate technology, fire him, no economical applaication, new job
Transcript
Catbert: We have a report of a cartoonist in Cubicle 45950. His comics might embarrass the company. "We can't fire him because it would look bad. You must give him absurd assignments until he quits." The Boss: "Your new job is to evaluate technology that obviously has no economical application." "Woo hoo!"
Sunday April 22,
2007
Transcript
"We're planning to outsource half of the department." "You can't tell anyone." "Is it true that half of the department will be outsourced?" "Before you answer, I should tell you that I've made a list..." "...of all the responses that mean the same as yes." "For example, if you say, 'Ignore the rumors,' that means yes." "Also on the list are, 'Why do you ask?' and, 'Who told you that?'" "That list is stupid." "Gaaa!!! That's number 8 on my list!!!"


