2017 Comic Strips - Page 31

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No Walking Away

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No Walking Away - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags human resources, policy, conversation, ideas, management, strategy, politeness, etiquette, business

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Boss: The company has a new politeness policy. It is no longer acceptable to turn and walk away while a co-worker is in the middle of telling you something. Dilbert: That will add months to my project. Alice: I'm selling all of my company stock.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags time, delay, leaving, schedule, inconsiderate

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Woman: Can you take a look at the prototype? It keeps crashing. Dilbert: I was just leaving for the day. Woman: It will only take ten minutes. Dilbert: I came to work early so I could leave early and beat the traffic. Woman: No problem. It will only take ten minutes. Dilbert: It's never ten minutes! People always say it will be ten minutes, but it's never ten minutes! I give up! Where is it? Woman: Find it in the lab. I need to leave early to beat the traffic.

You Will Get Used To It

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You Will Get Used To It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coworkers, Politics, disagreement, Opinion, flaw, personality, psychology

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Boss: I can't assign you to a project team because everyone hates you for your political opinions. Wally: And they don't hate me for being useless in general? Boss: I guess we all got used to that. Wally: You'll get used to the other thing, too. Give it some time.

Wally Offended Everyone

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Wally Offended Everyone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags offense, offensive, sensitivity, political correctness, politically correct

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Boss: Wally, I"m getting reports that you have offended every single employee in this company in the past week. Wally: Have I offended you? Boss: No, I"m not a sensitive idiot like the rest of them. Wally: Doesn't that mean the problem is on their end? Boss: That doesn't matter as much as you think it should.

Asok Is Offended By Wally

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Asok Is Offended By Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags offense, insult, offensive, fighting, nonviolent resistance

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Asok: I hear you have been comparing yourself to Gandhi, the father of my birth country. That is offensive. It makes me want to punch you. Wally: Have you tried fasting instead? I hear good things about it.

Wally And Gandhi Have Lots In Common

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Wally And Gandhi Have Lots In Common - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gandhi, comparison, coffee, greatness, achievement

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Wally: Have you ever noticed how much I have in common with Gandhi? We're both little bald guys who think India should be self-governing. Dilbert: I don't think he drank coffee. Wally: Imagine what he could have accomplished if he did.

Wally's Political Views Make Others Uncomfortable

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Wally's Political Views Make Others Uncomfortable - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags comparison, gandhi, Politics, offense, offensive, sensitive, politically correct, political correctness

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Boss: Wally, your political opinions are making your co-workers uncomfortable. Wally: That is exactly what people said about Gandhi. Boss: You are nothing like Gandhi. Wally: Was he a little bald guy who didn't have a real job?

Wally's Political Views

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Wally's Political Views - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags disagreement, Politics, Opinion, differences, arguing

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Tina: I can't work with Wally. His political views are abhorrent. Boss: That has nothing to do with your job. Tina: He makes me too sad and angry to work! Boss: Would you be happy if I punished him for having an opinion? Tina: Would I be a bad person if I said I would?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wages, cost of living, raise, money, rent, apartment, roommate, space

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Asok: I need a raise because the cost of living around here is too high. Boss: Stop being greedy. I pay you plenty. Asok: I can't even afford to rent an apartment. Boss: Get some roommates. Asok: I can't afford that either. I've been sleeping on a baby changing table in a public restroom. And the janitor has been charging me $3,000 per month for that. Boss: How wide is the baby changing table? Asok: Not wide enough for a roommate. Boss: Well, I'm out of ideas.

Wally Is Born For The Job

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Wally Is Born For The Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags legacy, system, laziness, perfect job, goals, ambition

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Boss: I need to set some goals for you. Wally: My job is to maintain the legacy system. My only goal is to avoid accidentally upgrading it. Boss: And how's that going? Wally: I don't like to brag, but I was born for this job.