2020 Comic Strips - Page 31

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Judging By Looks

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Judging By Looks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, interview, manager, judge, offensive, social media, nonesense

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boss: i'd like to offer you a job, but ten years ago you said something offensive on social media. interviewee: i'm not the same person i was ten years ago. you are judging me by the actions of someone who literally no longer exists. boss: i get your point, but if i go back to the old way of judging people by their looks, we still end up in the same place.

Wally Prefers Systems

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Wally Prefers Systems  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, office workers, goals, question, answer, system, year

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dilbert: what are your goals for the year? wally: i prefer systems over goals. dilbert: okay, what are your systems? wally: none of them involve answering questions.

Facial Recognition

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 Facial Recognition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, sarcasm, facial, recognition, identification, social, media, history, business, office

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office worker: hi, i'm ... dilbert holding up stop hand: hold on. my facial recognition app has identified you and is now showing me your social media history. office worker: uh-oh. dilbert: it seems it would be unwise for me to touch your hand.

Impostor Syndrome

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Impostor Syndrome  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, business, imposter, syndrome, manager, acting, pretend

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boss: i have a bad case of imposter syndrome. i feel as if i'm only pretending to be a good manager, and someday everyone will find out it's an act. dilbert: if it makes you feel any better, we figured that out a while ago.

Wally Rounds Off

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Wally Rounds Off   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, business, work, critical, tasks, failed, enjoyment, anger

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wally: i did no work this week because i had too many critical tasks to do. no matter what i worked on, i would have failed to do the other 99% of tasks that were equally critical. so i rounded it off to 100% and enjoyed my week. alice yelling: why do i work here??? why???

Ted Can't Make It

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Ted Can't Make It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, co-workers, meeting, project, absence, technology

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dilbert: ted says he can't make it to the meeting. wally: the only reason for this meeting is so ted can tell us what he's doing on his project. dilbert: we should reschedule. boss: not so fast. i think we can salvage this. if we guess what ted might have told us, that gets us halfway there. dilbert: i don't think it does. boss: we can't know until we try. dilbert: why don't the rest of us leave, and you can stay here and guess what we would have said, too. boss thinking alone at table: ...and then dilbert would have said...

Punching Boss

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 Punching Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, improvement, money, morale, punching, violence, kicking, ideas

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boss: i'm looking for ideas to improve morale without spending money. alice: we could take turns punching you. boss yells: no punching! any other ideas? wally: did anyone suggest kicking?

Purchasing Department

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Purchasing Department - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, purchasing, vendor, market, quote, coffee

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Purchasing Manager Bob: you need there vendor quotes, or i can't approve it. dilbert: there are only two vendors in that market. bob: come back when something changes.

Ceo Is Like Normal People

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Ceo Is Like Normal People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, office environment, cubicle, work, normal, people, respect, stupid

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ceo: even though i am you ceo, i work out of a cubicle just like normal people. you probably respect that. alice: no, it sounds stupid. ceo: then why am i torturing myself in that putrid cubicle? alice: see prior answer.

Ceo In Cubicle

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Ceo In Cubicle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, business, private, office, cubicle, common, work, employees

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eco: i've decided to give up my private office and work from a cubicle so employees will respect me more. my cubicle will be 1,000 square feet, with a ceiling. dilbert: that's called an office. eco: nothing pleases you common folk.