70 Years Future Comic Strips - Page 31

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View 301 - 310 results for 70 years future comic strips. Discover the best "70 Years Future" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags distress, work ethic, managers meet, effectiveness, promotions, boss fight for

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Boss: When the managers meet to talk about promotions, I'll fight for you. Alice: Are you saying my future depends on your effectiveness and not mine? Boss: This went differently than I expected. Alice: Why?! Why?! Why?!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, executives, managers & supervisors, kill or cannibalize, business

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CEO: Experts say we need to be willing to kill or cannibalize our best businesses. Boss: I can do that. I've been killing our best businesses for years. CEO: That's all the leadership I have for today. Boss: That'll last me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags happiness, new philosophy, live for today, motto, avoid starving tomorrow, ruin every minute, living in past, gustave, traded beaver pelts, psychology

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Asok: I'm trying out a new philosophy for my life. My new motto is "Live for Today." Wally: If you live for today, how will you avoid starving tomorrow? If you do one little thing wrong today, it could ruin every minute of the rest of your life. Asok: So... I should live for the future. Wally: No, that would ruin today. I recommend living for the past. Asok: My past was no fun. Wally: Pretend you were someone else. Asok: My philosophy is that my name was Gustav and I traded beaver pelts. Dilbert: Stop ruining my present.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, temporary credentials, webservices, ritual shaming, engineer, public shaming, poison the well, credibility, healthy place, engineering

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Dilbert: Can you show me how to set up temporary credentials for our web services? Alice: Only if you are prepared for your ritual shaming. Dilbert: Yes, always. Alice: Okay, here it goes. What kind of engineer doesn't know how to set up temporary credentials? Ha ha ha ha! I will tell this story for years! Hey, everyone! Guess what Dilbert doesn't know! That should be enough to poison your well of credibility. Dilbert: This isn't a healthy place. Alice: Then why do I feel so alive?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dieting & weight control, stress, overeating, willpower, downside, 20 year reduction, life expectency

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Dilbert: I took your advice to start overeating so I could save all of my willpower for work. The only downside is a twenty-year reduction in my life expectancy. Boss: Are you okay with that? Dilbert: Who would want twenty extra years of my life?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ignorance (knowledge), thinking, objection to plan, potential problems, works fine, system used, non zero chance, get rid of hospitals, idiot, normal life

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Dilbert: Does anyone have an objection to this plan? Coworker: In my opinion, there are too many potential problems. Dilbert: This system has been used for years in other places and works fine. Coworker: There is still a non-zero chance of problems. Dilbert: By that logic, we should get rid of hospitals because sometimes they make mistakes. Coworker: Gaaa!!! I just realized I'm an idiot! Dilbert: You can still lead a normal life. Wally: It only stings for a minute.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags efficiency experts, stress, consultant, booze muhkidney, business travel, nightmare, business

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Boss: I hired a consultant from the respected firm Booz Muhkidney. Consultant: My life is a nightmare of business travel, loneliness, and sleep deprivation. I'm only 25 years old! Boss: It's a travel day. He'll calm down after he drinks lunch.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags correct data, incorrect data, interactions with boss, questioning, totally accurate, desk, computer, office, technology

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Boss: Are you sure the data you gave me is correct? Dilbert: I've been giving you incorrect data for years. This is the first time you've asked. Boss: What? Dilbert: I said the data is totally accurate.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, work ethic, huge losses, stock up, big raise, similar system, lowering expectations, employee of the year, job perfromance

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Wally: We announced huge losses, but analysts thought it would be even worse, so our stock went up. I'm using a similar system to get a big raise. For years I've been lowering everyone's expectations of my performance. Next I'll... I made a phone call today. Boss: Employee of the year!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags problem, we don't know, what we don't know, common saying, stole it, dumbest converstion

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Dilbert: The problem is that we don't know what we don't know. Coworker: You stole that saying from me. Dilbert: It's a common saying. I've been using it for years. Coworker: No, you stole it from me. Dilbert: This is officially the dumbest conversation I've ever had. Coworker: That's my other saying!