Missed Dead Line Comic Strips - Page 31

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365 Results for Missed Dead Line

View 301 - 310 results for missed dead line comic strips. Discover the best "Missed Dead Line" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 2010's comic on:


Tags #phone, #lunch, #talk about products, #reject, #woman, #attractive

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Carl says, "Let's have lunch so I can tell you about our products." Dilbert says, "No thanks." Dilbert says, "I don't like meeting new people." Dilbert says, "Every person I meet chips away at my freedom." Dilbert says, "If I have lunch with you, I'll feel an obligation to return your pestering phone calls." Dilbert says, "My lunchtime is the only chance I get during the day to scrape off the leeches." Dilbert says, "Nothing personal." Woman says, "Do you want to have lunch and discuss our new product line?" Dilbert says, "Sure!" Dilbert says, "Carl, you are totally in the wrong profession."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2010's comic on:


Tags #design plan, #suboptimal, #highlighted items, #illusion of fullness, #olden times, #hat, #manage like its 1800's

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Dilbert says, "My design plan is obviously too complex for a manager to understand." Dilbert says, "So I highlighted a few areas that are intentionally suboptimal." Dilbert says, "Just point to the highlighted items and demand that I fix them." Dilbert says, "That will give you the illusion of usefulness." Dilbert says, "Pretend this is olden times when bosses knew what their employees did for a living." Dilbert says, "To round out the fantasy, wear this hat made from a dead animal." Dilbert says, "Now manage me like it's the 1800's!" Boss says, "Do you have a smaller hat?" Dilbert says, "Imagine that we're out of candles."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 2007's comic on:


Tags #actual meeting, #day after meeting, #pre meeting, #thursday, #evil, #underpaid

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Did you set up my pre-meeting for Wednesday? "Yes. It's on Thursday." "You scheduled my pre-meeting for the day after the meeting?" "That was the only day that everyone could make it." "There's no point in having a pre-meeting after the actual meeting." "Sure there is. You can talk about how much better the meeting would have been if you had been prepared." "Here comes the pointy-haired boss. You'd better scurry away before he gives you more work." "There's a fine line between evil and underpaid."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2007's comic on:


Tags #vacation schedule, #cost estimates, #teds input, #revised timeline, #office supplies, #store, #pens, #limited selction, #excellent prices, #vacation next week

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Wally: "May I see the vacation schedule?" Carol: "Why do you want it?" Wally: "No reason." "Well, Ted, I hope you're enjoying your vacation." The Boss: "Wally, do you have the cost estimates?" Wally: "I'm waiting for Ted's input. He's on vacation." The Boss: "How about the revised time-line?" Wally: "I'm waiting for Ted." "Do you need any office supplies? I'm going to the store." Dilbert: "Maybe some pens." TED Wally: "Limited selection but excellent prices." Dilbert: "Thanks." Wally: "So, I understand you have a vacation next week."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2007's comic on:


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"Every project you worked on this year got canceled after the reorganization." "It's as if you didn't even exist." "That's not entirely true." "For example, I occupied space." "I'd like to see someone who doesn't exist do that." "A dead person can occupy space." "But a dead person exists." "I won the argument, but it was a hollow victory."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2007's comic on:


Tags #management retreat, #golfing, #swimming, #drinking, #getting massages, #count printer papaer, #meaningless work assigned, #dead body, #Sports

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The Boss: "I'm off to the management retreat." "I won't be reachable because I'll be busy golfing, swimming, drinking, and getting massages." Carol: "And attending meetings?" The Boss: "I don't see how we'll have any time for that." "While I'm gone, I have a few tasks for you to do." "Open all the packages of printer paper and make sure they have the right number of sheets." "Then crawl into the heating ducts and see if you can find what died in there." Carol: "It's my last boss." the Boss: "Spray him with something lemony."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2006's comic on:


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Our CEO appreciates pushback. "The last thing he wants is a bunch of yes men." "Don't be afraid to stand your ground. He respects that." "My plan is to form business units around each product line." PLAN "Excuse me. We tried that once and it didn't work." "You're fired. Leave now." "Cruelty or convenience?" "I needed a cubicle to store my extra binders."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2005's comic on:


Tags #weekly wally report, #worthless iput, #harmful advice, #ignored email, #priorities, #my budget estimates, #any success, #format

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"The Weekly Wally Report is bristling with tales of success." "I gave worthless input to marketing because they weren't specific about what they wanted." "I missed Alice's project meeting because she never confirmed the location." "I gave harmful advice to the sales team because they rushed me." "I ignored my email for a week because you said to focus on priorities." "And I didn't submit my budget estimates because Asok never told me what format to ues." "How can you call any of that success??!!" "Well, I'd compare it to my written objectives, but you never gave me any."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2005's comic on:


Tags #regular goals, #stretch goals, #sacrifice health, #personal life, #criminal conduct, #bonus, #salaries below budget, #ultra stretchy, #employee rights, #taken advantage, #cheat employee

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"Here are your regular goals and here are your stretch goals." "What's the difference?" "The regular goals can be achieved by sacrificing health and your personal life." "The stretch goals require all of that plus some sort of criminal conduct." "I'm guessing that your boss gave uou the regular goals and you came up with the stretch goals on your own." "That way, When I achieve the regular goals you'll get a raise because I missed the stretch goals." "Then you'll get a bouns for salaries below budget." "Maybe we should talk about the ultra-stretch goals later."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 22, 2005's comic on:


Tags #personal items, #can't be higher, #cucblicl wall, #aesthetic reasons, #doll, #einstein doll, #try this concept, #stock plunge

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"Alice, company policy says that personal items can not be higher than the cubicle wall." "Just out of curiousity, what is the logic behind that bizarre policy?" "We want to maintain a smooth line-of-sight for aesthetic reasons." "Let me see if I understand your point of view." "My Einstein doll makes the cubicle so hideous that our stock will plunge" "Now if I take it down..." "Gasp! It's so beautiful now! My soul is filled with music! My life has meaning!" "Yea! I just noticed that when I look at this doll and you at the same time, you look hideous."