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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2016's comic on:


Tags #demands, #bosses, #unrealistic, #frustration, #outburst, #catch-22, #travel, #air travel

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Boss: Carol, move my flight one hour earlier Friday. Carol: Do you have any idea how hard that would be? I know it sounds easy, but it won't be. Not at this late date. Not with all your pickiness. When I fail, you will think I didn't look hard enough for a new flight. I can't prove a negative, so I will forever suffer your disdain. My career is ruined. Boss: Never mind! Forget it! Why is it so hard to ask you to do anything? Carol: I've been telling people you're stupid, but I'm open to other theories.

Be Like Entrpreneurs

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Be Like Entrpreneurs  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 11, 2016's comic on:


Tags #motivation, #inspiration, #control, #entrepreneur, #risk

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Boss: We need to disrupt our entire industry. And we need to move quickly. But check with me before you do anything. I want you to think like entrepreneurs, but not like the brave ones. People: Can do.

Hire Agile Programmers

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Hire Agile Programmers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 2016's comic on:


Tags #pun, #deception, #earthquake, #agility

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Wally: You should move the agile programmers to building six because it has poor earthquake protection. they can jump out of the way if stuff starts falling. Boss; I guess that makes sense. Wally: Can I have one of their cubicles near a window?

Tina Wants Warmer Temperature

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Tina Wants Warmer Temperature - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2016's comic on:


Tags #thermostat, #temperature, #deal, #negotiation, #cold, #bribe

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Wally: My cubicle is near the thermostat and your desk has the est view of our boss' office. I'll see that you get the temperature you want if you warn me whenever our boss is on the move. Tina: Can you give me 76 degrees? Wally: Whoa! That'll cost you extra, Lucifer.

Turn Down Service

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Turn Down Service - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 23, 2016's comic on:


Tags #pun, #wordplay, #hotel, #turn-down

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Dilbert: I'd like to decline your turn-down service tonight so I can have some privacy. Voice: We're going to do it anyway. Good luck finding your stuff after we randomly move it. Dilbert: What? You can't do that! I hereby turn down your turn down of your turn-down service! Voice: Say goodbye to your phone charger!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2017's comic on:


Tags #human, #human nature, #arguing, #argument, #social media, #logic, #critic, #troll, #technology

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Dilbert: If we move this button to here, people are more likely to see it. Man: Ha ha! OMG. LOL. So you think every person in the universe is blind? I can't wait to tell everyone that Dilbert thinks people have no eyes. The pure craziness of what you are saying is mid-boggling. Do you have any scientific proof that moving that button would not cause a nuclear holocaust? Dilbert: Everything you just said is dumb and unproductive, and I hate every molecule in your useless body. What's wrong with people? Dogbert: I keep tell you, it's everything.

Dilbert Enters The Jargon Matrix

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Dilbert Enters The Jargon Matrix - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #jargon, #language, #matrix, #communication

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Dilbert: Asok entered the jargon matrix. I'm going in to save him. Asok: User experience... Dilbert: Cloud... blockchain... speed of execution... responsive design... peel the onion... move the needle... Asok: Sustainability. Dilbert: I'm in. Asok: What the...? Where did you come from? Narrator: Continued...

Wally Moves Into Bathroom Stall

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Wally Moves Into Bathroom Stall - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2017's comic on:


Tags #living, #home, #bathroom

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Wally: I decided to move into a bathroom stall and live there forever. The pieces all came together when I got this food delivery app. Alice: What about the ambiance? Wally: It must be hard to have high standards.

Asok Is In Charge Of Cubicle Move

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Asok Is In Charge Of Cubicle Move - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2017's comic on:


Tags #office, #office workers, #cubicle, #popularity, #power

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Boss: Asok, I"m putting you in charge of deciding who gets which cubicle after the office redesign. Asok: But... everyone will hate me for deciding who gets the best cubicles. Boss: Try to see it as an upgrade to your current situation of no one caring about you. Asok: That helps a little.

Move To Cubicles Is Complete

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Move To Cubicles Is Complete - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2017's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #office, #cubicle, #depression, #psychology

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Dilbert: We're done moving the staff from the open office plan back to cubicles. Now they will be less distracted when they focus on the crushing futility of their assignments. Boss: Good job. Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be in my fabric-covered box.