Per Customer Comic Strips - Page 31
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312 Results for Per Customer
View 301 - 310 results for per customer comic strips. Discover the best "Per Customer" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday December 15,
2018
Fly On Weekend
Tags #boss, #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #evil, #cheap
Transcript
Boss: I need you to do a customer site visit. Book your flight for the weekend so you don't miss any work. Dilbert: I'm impressed by your casual evil. Boss: Bring your own food.
Thursday February 14,
2019
Small Managers
Tags #boss, #business, #computer software, #engineering, #frustration, #office workers, #sarcasm, #clients
Transcript
Boss: I told a customer we would make a small change to the software for them. Dilbert: There are no small software changes, only small managers. Boss: Dang it! Why does that sound so wise!
Wednesday April 03,
2019
It Already Works
Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #phone, #nuclear
Transcript
office worker: your so-called "safe" nuclear power invention will never work. dilbert: it already works. i'm charging my phone with it. office worker: i mean, it will never be economical. dilbert: it can power a small city for a dollar per day. office worker: pffft. i'll bet it ends up costing triple that.
Sunday June 30,
2019
Beg And Pay Store
Tags #business, #office, #buying, #selling, #begging, #internet
Transcript
dogbert: i'm opening a beg-and-pay store. dilbert: what will you be selling? dogbert: selling? dogbert: you are way behind the times. dogbert: stores don't sell things anymore. dogbert: selling would require good customer service and lots of stock on hand. dogbert: if you want that sort of thing, use the internet. dogbert: i just want a place where people can go and beg me to sell them stuff that isn't in stock. office worker: can you help me find this hat in my size? dogbert: beg!!!
Tuesday June 25,
2019
Encouraging Smoking
Tags #business, #meeting, #office, #office workers, #smoking, #turnover, #breaks
Transcript
dibert, the boss and ask at conference table. the boss: our plan for reducing turnover is to encourage smoking. the boss: that way, everyone gets a relaxing smoke break several times per day. dilbert: or non-smokers could take breaks. the boss: now i wish you had been in the meeting when we planned this.
Sunday June 07,
2020
Should Have Done It Sooner
Tags #business, #dollars, #failure, #managers & supervisors, #patch, #payroll, #problem, #raise, #savings, #software, #technology, #years
Transcript
dilbert: i wrote a software patch that will save three million dollars per year. i feel as if i deserve a bonus or a raise. boss: when did you do it? dilbert: this week. boss: how long did we have the problem? dilbert: five years. boss: then you should have fixed it five years ago. looks like a gigantic failure to me. you should be ashamed of yourself. in another room catbert: did you try my strategy for keeping payroll expenses low? boss: works like magic.
Thursday June 04,
2020
Factories No Buyers
Tags #big business, #money, #sarcasm, #customers, #poison
Transcript
Dilbert: Our factories are back online, but we have no buyers. It turns out that our customer base overlaps with the people who recently poisoned themselves with household disinfectants. Boss: Who could have seen that coming? Dilbert: I won a bet on it.
Sunday July 19,
2020
People Believe Anything
Tags #argument, #business, #people, #believe, #anything, #whisper, #campaign, #rival, #management, #dumb, #covid, #pandemic
Transcript
all parties wearing face masks. boss: i'm starting a whisper campaign against my rival in management. i want you to tell people he buys babies from the poor and eats them. dilbert: no one is dumb enough to believe that. boss: people will believe anything. dilbert: not anything. boss: yes, anything. dilbert: fine. i'll try it, but only to prove how wrong you are. office worker: how many does he eat per day? dilbert thinking: i need a new planet.
Friday June 26,
2020
Input From Idiots
Tags #office workers, #sarcasm, #technology, #input, #idiots, #project, #variety, #dumb, #informed, #leadership
Transcript
dilbert: per your orders, i got input on my project from a variety of people who are dumber and less informed than i am. as you might imagine, the net effect was to make everything worse. boss: are you done? dilbert: i just want to thank you for all the leadership.
Thursday March 25,
2021
Yay, A Package
Tags #package, #arrived, #consumer, #amazon, #purchase, #birthday, #feel, #forgetfulness, #dish soap
Transcript
Dilbert opening front door at home: yay! my package arrived! i buy one thing per day from amazon and then forget what i ordered, so it feels like my birthday every day. dogbert with hands over eyes: i can't watch this. yes! dish soap! how did i know i wanted that?