Retail Business Comic Strips - Page 31

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Retail Business

View 301 - 310 results for retail business comic strips. Discover the best "Retail Business" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags correlations, predicted outcomes, problem, enormous ceo compensation, myth, control over profits, awkward, trap door, ceo trick, violent

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I did a study of our past business plans and found something. There's no correlation between our predicted and actual outcomes. That might be a problem for you. Your enormous CEO compensation is based on the myth that you have some control over our profitability. CEO: Ha! Dilbert: Ha! CEO: Is it just me or is this awkward? Dilbert: No, I'm feeling it too.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, competitors network, elbonians, bribe blogger, limited capacity, self control, bury in woods

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Can you hack into our competitor's network and make it look as if the Elbonians did it? Dilbert: No. Boss: Can you bribe a blogger to write good things about our company? Dilbert: No. Boss: Now that I've worn down your limited capacity for self-control, I need you to bury something in the woods, no questions asked. Dilbert: Fine.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, lawyers & attorneys, apps, contact information, users address books, data, office, desk, meeting, store data, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: Please tell me our apps don't steal contact information from our users' address books. Boss: We upload the data but we don't store it. Coworker: That's like saying I can date your wife if I put a bag over her head. Boss: That could work. Coworker: I don't think I'm getting through to you.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags barry, meeting, meetings, sharing info, vendors, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Let's hear what Barry learned from our vendors and go from there. Coworker: I didn't have time to call anyone, but I can speculate about what might have happened if I had. Dilbert: I'm curious to see how this will work out for you. Coworker: None of these vendors would have called me back.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags service monkey, questions, respect, monkey, power point slides, animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Carl: Im Wally's service monkey, I'll be fielding any questions directed at wally. The Boss: With all due respect, a business meeting is no place for a monkey. Carl: With all due respect, that was a stronger argument before I saw your powerpoint slides.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, free app, stealing personal info, lodge complaint, monthly subscription, package, history of contaxcts, sells itself

View Transcript

Transcript

Customer: Your free app is stealing my personal information. I'd like to lodge a complaint. Dogbert: Buy our monthly subscription package or I'll send your browser history to your contacts. Dilbert: How's your app going? Dogbert: It practically sells itself.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags discussion, ideas, meeting, originality, irrational thinking, optoistic, new prodcuts, faking optomisim, fake buy in, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: ... and that's my suggestion for our next product. Alice: How do we know that ten other companies aren't working on the same idea. Dilbert: Well, that's always a possibility. Wally: There are seven billion people on Earth. I'll bet a million of them had this idea. Asok: It's irrational to think that any new product is likely to be a hit. On the other hand, we only get paid if we pretend to be optimistic about new products. Wally: All in favor of faking our optimism, raise your hands. Dilbert: All I could get was a fake buy-in. Boss: That's the only kind there is.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, discrimination, Women, containment unit, steel vault, Men, co workers, job, condesending, freak out, death, business, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Settle down, honey. I didn't ask for your opinion. I'm telling you what we're going to do. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Lower the containment unit! She's going to blow. CEO: When will it be safe? Dilbert: Right after you die.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business failures/bankruptcies, too big to fail, two pigs, flail, clever, demoralizing

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Are we too big to fail? CEO: Nope. We're more like two pigs that flail. Boss: That's clever, and yet demoralizing. CEO: You're welcome.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apathy, late, setting priorities, boss, meeting, excuse, conference table, coffee cup, apology, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Sorry I'm late. It's because the least important thing I do is way more important than all of you put together. One way to look at it is that I'm great at setting priorities.