Tenth Year Comic Strips - Page 31

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

342 Results for Tenth Year

View 301 - 310 results for tenth year comic strips. Discover the best "Tenth Year" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 2013's comic on:


Tags #children, #ignorance (knowledge), #replaced by robot, #replaced by hammer, #ugly, #furniture, #Family

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: My 12-year-old wants to know what career would prevent him from being replaced by a robot. Dilbert: I've met your son, and I'm pretty sure he could be replaced by a hammer. Carol: This took an ugly turn. Dilbert: Maybe the robots can use him as furniture.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2013's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #wages, #bounuses, #usual formula, #pure luck, #performance, #huge consumer demand, #bad job, #marketing, #engineers, #bonus, #hard wrok, #business, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Your bonuses this year will be based on the usual formula. 50% is based on pure luck. And 50% is based on the performance of people you have never met. This year, the luck factor was good. Our industry experienced huge consumer demand. Unfortunately, people who you have never met did a bad job of marketing and sales are terrible. And for that, you engineers must be punished. No bonuses for you. Luckily for me, my bonus is based on how well I can convince you idiots to work hard while getting no bonuses. I don't like to brag, but I'm fairly sure I'm nailing it.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 14, 2013's comic on:


Tags #apathy, #exercise & fitness, #beating the system, #exercising, #cubicle, #soul crushing work, #walker

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm beating the system by exercising in my cubicle. If I stay in good health during my forty years of soul-crushing work, I might enjoy a year or two of good health when I retire. Wally: This is why I don't have goals. Dilbert: I'm going to use my walker on your grave!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2013's comic on:


Tags #obliviousness, #work ethic, #lawyer, #60 page contract, #amendements, #900 contracts, #tax law, #17 managers, #good leaders, #standards, #legal

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our lawyer sent over a sixty-page contract renewal that I need you to review. Make sure you compare it to the original contract and all six or seven amendments. Dilbert: Are there six or... seven? Boss: No one really knows. Check out our other nine hundred contracts to make sure this one doesn't violate any of those. Keep in mind our five-year strategic plan and all likely changes to tax law. Then get buy-in from the seventeen managers who hate my guts and will take it out on you. By tomorrow. Good leaders set high standards.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 2013's comic on:


Tags #victims, #wages, #lazy, #undependable, #disruptive, #raise, #blamed victime, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You're lazy, undependable, and disruptive. That's why I can't give you a raise this year. Dilbert: How'd it go? Wally: He blamed the victim.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2013's comic on:


Tags #deception, #work ethic, #headhunter, #soften up, #sqaut

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I'm a headhunter and I know someone who wants to offer you a much better job. Phone: Yes! Wally: I like to soften the room before I go for my performance review. I didn't do squat this year. Boss: Doesn't matter to me!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2013's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #vacations, #work ethic, #unlimited vacation policy, #200 days off, #double productivity, #no way to measure

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I'm planning to take advantage of our new unlimited vacation policy. I'll be gone for two hundred days in the coming year. And I guarantee I will still double my productivity compared to the prior year. Boss: There's no way to measure productivity for engineers. Wally: Good to know.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 2014's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #frustration, #work ethic, #budget projections, #priorities, #solutions not problems

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I can't do my budget projections until you tell me your priorities for the coming year. Then you say, "Everything is a top priority. Fuf-fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh." I hope this is what you meant by "Bring me solutions, not problems."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2014's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #frustration, #achieved golas, #secret goals, #set for you, #failed to achieve, #anger, #exact situation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm happy to report that I achieved every goal you set for me last year. Boss: But you failed to achieve the secret goals I set for you. Dilbert: Why would you have secret goals for me?!! Boss: For this exact situation.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 28, 2014's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #work ethic, #drink lots of coffee, #disrespect authority, #reading my goals, #before signing, #accomplish stuff, #feels good

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: For some reason, your written goals for last year were "Drink lots of coffee" and "Disrespect authority." Wally: Maybe next year your goal should be something about reading my goals before you sign them. Accomplishing stuff feels good. You should try it.