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View 311 - 320 results for review 80 million lines comic strips. Discover the best "Review 80 Million Lines" comics from Dilbert.com.

We Need To Talk

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We Need To Talk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #contradiction, #argument, #disagreement

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Boss: The software upgrade will be ready by Friday. Dilbert: Actually, that's when we will start writing it. Boss: And it will save us twenty million dollars. Dilbert: Actually, it will cost a million dollars and save nothing. Boss: We need to talk. Dilbert: We do? I'm not feeling that.

Fine Lines

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Fine Lines - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #line, #optimism, #idiocy, #cynicism, #realism, #will, #love, #dead, #working

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Dilbert: I've noticed there's a fine line between optimism and idiocy. Wally: There's also a fine line between cynicism and realism. Dilbert: I just lost my will to live. Wally: There's a fine line between dead and working.

Keeping The Worthless People

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Keeping The Worthless People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #employees, #managers & supervisors, #salary, #incompetence

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Boss: I've noticed that 20% of my employees do 80% of the work around here. But I need to keep all of the worthless employees because my pay is based on how many people report to me. Catbert: Doesn't their incompetence bother you? Boss: Not since I found a way to get paid for it.

Below Average

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Below Average - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #engineering, #jobs, #math, #sarcasm, #review

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Boss: Your job performance is below average. Dilbert: How did you calculate an average for a job that no one else has ever performed? Boss: Math?

Homeless Employees

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Homeless Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #concern, #cost, #employees, #homeless persons, #office workers, #pretend

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Dogbert: We need to do something about our employees being homeless. Housing costs are too high around here. Boss: Maybe we could pay them more. Dogbert: I was thinking more along the lines of pretending to be concerned. Boss: I like where you're going with this.

Illegal To Sell Armed Drones

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Illegal To Sell Armed Drones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illegal, #armed, #drones, #private, #citizens, #sell, #business, #technology, #bribe, #law

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boss: i just learned it's illegal to sell armed drones to private citizens. how many orders did we get since we started selling them this morning? dilbert: seventy million. boss: i'll look into bribing someone to change the law.

Should Have Done It Sooner

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Should Have Done It Sooner - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #dollars, #failure, #managers & supervisors, #patch, #payroll, #problem, #raise, #savings, #software, #technology, #years

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dilbert: i wrote a software patch that will save three million dollars per year. i feel as if i deserve a bonus or a raise. boss: when did you do it? dilbert: this week. boss: how long did we have the problem? dilbert: five years. boss: then you should have fixed it five years ago. looks like a gigantic failure to me. you should be ashamed of yourself. in another room catbert: did you try my strategy for keeping payroll expenses low? boss: works like magic.

Ceo Does Math

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Ceo Does Math - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #death & dying, #diseases, #earth, #humans, #sarcasm, #pandemic, #virus

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CEO: Why is everyone so panicked about coronavirus when maybe only 1% who get it will die? Catbert: One percent of the population of Earth would be...77 million dead. CEO: Yes, but the whole world won't get it. Catbert: They will if they listen to you.

Doubled Income

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Doubled Income - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #business, #income, #double, #insincere, #gesture, #pandemic, #people, #suffering, #coronavirus, #appearance, #empathy, #face mask

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boss: we doubled our income during the pandemic, and it isn't a good look. we need to make some sort of insincere gesture of support for people who are suffering. dilbert: or we could actually help people. boss: i'm thinking more along the lines of a sign in the foyer.

Lucky Profits

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Lucky Profits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bonus, #business, #compensation, #executive, #managers & supervisors, #pandemic, #sarcasm, #technology, #video conferencing, #zoom, #luck

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catbert to ceo: there's a problem with your executive compensation. the company made so much money during the pandemic, purely by luck, that your bonus would be ten million dollars. ceo: i earned it. catbert: you made zoom calls wearing only socks.