Light Show Comic Strips - Page 32
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374 Results for Light Show
View 311 - 320 results for light show comic strips. Discover the best "Light Show" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday June 13,
2014
Tags chocolate, dark chocolate, think better, scientific sense, magical thinking
Transcript
Boss: Here's some dark chocolate. Studies show it makes you think better. Dilbert: Why are you suddenly doing things that make scientific sense, instead of your usual magical thinking? Boss: I just ate three pounds of dark chocolate. Dilbert: Wow. It works fast.
Sunday June 15,
2014
Tags optimism, die younger, ignornat, comparison, peers, bright future, better than me
Transcript
Dilbert: What a great day! Alice: What's all this nonsense? Dilbert: I"m trying to be an optimist. Alice: Studies show that optimists die younger. So this optimism thing just makes you look ignorant. And because my happiness is based on a comparison to my peers, I don't want your future to be too bright. Stop thinking you're better than me in the future! Dilbert: This is exactly why I want to die younger. Alice: You already knew that optimists die young? Dilbert: Yup! How's your plan working?
Sunday July 06,
2014
Tags leadership, smart way, leading, acting, twisting, hired idiots
Transcript
Boss: You didn't show leadership on your project. Dilbert: Are you saying I didn't do things in a smart way? Boss: Leading is different from acting in the smartest way. Dilbert: So... either I can do things the smart way or I can be a leader like you? Boss: Stop twisting things around! You need to be smart and you need to show leadership! You can't expect your team to do what you want just because it's the smartest path. Dilbert: Remind me which one of us hired those idiots.
Monday July 28,
2014
Tags deception, laziness, successful people, start early, really working, boss, first four hours
Transcript
Wally: Studies show that successful people can start early. Can I start work at 4AM and quit at noon? Boss: How would I know you were really working the first four hours? Wally: Same way you know now. Boss: I don't know now. Wally: It's like that but with less attendance.
Thursday July 31,
2014
Tags mergers & acquisitions, start up, 45 hours, mandatory online training, seven customers
Transcript
Boss: We got Randy by buying his start-up. Randy, Dilbert will show you how to access our 45 hours of mandatory online training. Randy: I quit. Boss: Well, at least we still have his start-up. Dilbert: And all seven of its customers, too.
Wednesday August 13,
2014
Tags happiness, optimism, rested, feeling, never happened, flow, dance, sing, light, work, office, employee, psychology
Transcript
Dilbert: Happy, happy, happy. Dilbert: I'm enjoying a bubble of optimism because I'm feeling rested and no one has been awful to me all day! Wally: How long does it usually last? Dilbert: I don't know. It's never happened before!
Wednesday September 03,
2014
Tags apathy, dangerously incompetent, last day of work, lazy, software, tell everyone, train, unwarranted confidence, engineering
Transcript
Coworker: This is my last day of work, so I won't have time to completely train you on the software. But I can show you enough to give you unwarranted confidence, when you should be feeling dangerously incompetent. Dilbert: That sounds worse than doing nothing. Coworker: Before I leave, I'll tell everyone you're lazy.
Friday September 12,
2014
Tags employees, learn from coworkers, busy worers, request, no one helps, learning, business
Transcript
Boss: Asok, the best way to advance your career is by learning as much as you can from co-workers. Asok: Can you show me what you are doing? Alice: Come back in ten years when I'm not busy. Asok: No one will help me learn anything. Boss: You learned that!
Thursday September 25,
2014
Leadership
Tags boss, leadership, Opinion, leader, perception, idiot leader, decision
Transcript
Boss: I need your opinion before I make a decision. Dilbert: Studies show that if you ask for my opinion, I will no longer perceive you as a leader. Boss: And if I do not ask for your opinion? Dilbert: I would perceive you as an idiot and a leader.
Sunday October 26,
2014
Tags deception, email, insulting, intelligence, iq, trickery, work ethic, obession, addiction, work smarter, text, efficiency
Transcript
Wally: Studies show that continually checking email lowers your functional I.Q. You advised me to "work smarter," so I plan to ignore all of your email from now on. Boss: What if I text you instead? Wally: That's the sort of question that one asks after checking email too often. Boss: Did you just insult me? Wally: That answer is in your email. Boss: Where is it? I don't see any email from you. But I see six new emails that look important. What were we talking about. Wally: You were complimenting me on my efficiency.


