Long Nose Comic Strips - Page 32
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434 Results for Long Nose
View 311 - 320 results for long nose comic strips. Discover the best "Long Nose" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday October 20,
2012
Tags business failures/bankruptcies, executives, wages, long tern survival, innovate ways, cannibalize, current prodcuts, lose a fortune, ceo's compensation, revenue dips, hovel, some ideas, money
Transcript
Dilbert: Our only hope for long-term survival is to innovate in ways that cannibalize our current products. The downside is that you'll lose a fortune in CEO compensation when our revenue dips in the short run. CEO: Thanks. I'll stop by your hovel later with some ideas for ruining your life, too.
Tuesday November 06,
2012
Tags business failures/bankruptcies, honesty, slide toward irrelevance, redesign logo, produce tablet computer, ugly truth, personified
Transcript
Man: There's nothing you can do about your company's long slide toward irrelevance. But if you redesign your logo and produce a tablet computer that no one buys, at least it will look like you're trying. CEO: Who are you? Man: I'm the ugly truth. Most people just ignore me.
Sunday December 02,
2012
Tags cublicle, hours worked, judgement, long term projects, near term deliverables, negotiate, output, work ethic, work from home, holy grail
Transcript
Wally: I would like to be evaluated on my output, not the hours I work. Boss: Okay. That sounds reasonable. Wally: It does? Wow. And I'd also like to work at home where there are fewer distractions so I can be more productive. Boss: Okay. That makes sense. Wally: Really? I mean... great! I'd also like to work on long-term projects that have no near-term deliverables. Holy grail, holy grail, holy grail. Boss: Go back to your cubicle and don't leave until five o'clock. Wally: I was this close to retiring at full pay.
Thursday December 20,
2012
Tags anger, wages, ceo motivate, feeling of engemnet, long term goal, engaement, money
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO says I need to motivate you with a feeling of engagement, not higher pay. The long-term goal is to get you to pay us for the privilege of working here. I heard words I didn't know were words. CEO: Try giving her more engagement.
Wednesday December 26,
2012
Tags anger, meetings, more assertive, wishing death, dial back, shouting, miserable
Transcript
Boss: Asok, I need to teach you to be more assertive in meetings. Asok: You're a miserable human being and I hope you die in a long, painful way! Boss: Dial it back a little. Asok: I hope you die quickly?
Sunday February 03,
2013
Tags anger, angry, hateful creature, hope, interviews, job interview, managers & supervisors, monster, optimisim, smile, toxic work place, business
Transcript
Boss: You remind me of another young person I hired years ago. She was full of hope and optimism and she wore a permanent smile. Her name was Alice. As time passed, she devolved into an angry, hateful creature. No one knows what caused it. Interviewee: How long did it take? Boss: About a week. Interviewee: Apparently, you're a monster who creates a toxic workplace and you lack the self-awareness to realize it! Boss: Someone broke your record. Alice: Shut up.
Thursday February 14,
2013
Tags depression (mental state), work ethic, underling, long hours, insane workload, fatigue, depression, organ failure, greetings, how are you?, psychology
Transcript
Boss: How's it going, underling? Dilbert: My long hours and insane workload are causing fatigue, depression, and organ failure. I'll probably be dead in a month. Boss: When did people stop saying "fine?"
Saturday February 23,
2013
Tags inventions, nuclear rocket, engineers, blast astroid, collsion, approved corporate font, launch window, moon
Transcript
Boss: Our engineers built a nuclear rocket to blast an incoming asteroid out of its collision course with Earth. But we didn't use the approved corporate font on the nose cone and we missed the launch window trying to erase it. Now what are we going to do with a nuclear rocket? CEO: Well, the moon has always been a jerk.
Sunday March 17,
2013
Tags angel, fix things, granted wishes, know it all, needy, questions, things gone wrong, workers, angel of competence
Transcript
Angel: I am the angel of competence. I have come to mark you as an engineer turn around, Dilbert: So, its like an honor? Angel: Sure, if that makes you feel better. The Boss: Can you show me how to set ups my wireless router at home? Tina: My phone keeps freezing up, can you look at it? Ted: How long should I barbecue trick-tip? Man: The pilot lightly on my water heater is out, How do you fix cracks in a driveway? what exactly does iCloud do? GAAA!!! Dilbert: I need to talk to the angel of competence have you seen him? Wally: He died in my cubicle, Thats all Im saying.
Tuesday March 19,
2013
Tags didn't read, email, improve communication, long rambling email, someone else, meeting, business
Transcript
The Boss: Did everyone read about how to improve our communication? Dilbert: Was it a long rambling email that stumbled from one barely coherent point to another? The Boss: That one must have been from someone else. Dilbert: Good because I didn't read it.


