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398 Results for Someone Steal Your Fortune

View 311 - 320 results for someone steal your fortune comic strips. Discover the best "Someone Steal Your Fortune" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 2012's comic on:


Tags #presentation, #confusing, #unpersuasive, #inability, #miscommunication, #inability to understand

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CEO: Someone told me your presentation was confusing and unpersuasive. Dilbert: Sometimes one person's inability to understand looks like another person's inability to explain. CEO: I don't understand what you just said. Dilbert: See?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2012's comic on:


Tags #better job, #goldilocks zone, #managers, #marinate in own stench, #monster, #skills expire, #technology certifictae, #training, #your training

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Dilbert: I need to get this technology certification. Boss: Whoa! No way. If I pay for your training, you'll use your certification to get a better job. At the moment, you're in what we managers call the goldilocks zone. You're not hot enough to get a better job, and you're not yet incompetent at the one you have. When your skills expire, in the next year or two, I'll replace you with someone younger. Dilbert: You're a monster! I'll pay for my own training and leave you to marinate in your own stench! CEO: How did you keep your training expenses so low? Boss: I marinated in my own stench.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 2012's comic on:


Tags #stock market, #no raise, #accomplished nothing, #invest in penny stocks, #hot stock tips, #narrowed the gap, #money

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Boss: Wally, I can't give you a raise because you accomplished nothing this year. Wally: That's okay because I make a fortune investing in penny stocks. Do you want some hot stock tips? Dilbert: Did you get a raise. Wally: No, but I narrowed the gap between his income and mine.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #announcement, #economic value, #engineers, #google, #mergers & acquisitions, #modern day, #podium, #public speaking, #slave trader

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CEO: Google has offered to buy our company for $100 million just to get our engineers. I agreed to the deal because I'm a modern day slave trader who believes engineers are property and the rest of you have no economic value. Who wrote my speech? Employee: Someone with no economic value.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #executives, #wages, #long tern survival, #innovate ways, #cannibalize, #current prodcuts, #lose a fortune, #ceo's compensation, #revenue dips, #hovel, #some ideas, #money

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Dilbert: Our only hope for long-term survival is to innovate in ways that cannibalize our current products. The downside is that you'll lose a fortune in CEO compensation when our revenue dips in the short run. CEO: Thanks. I'll stop by your hovel later with some ideas for ruining your life, too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2012's comic on:


Tags #hypocrisy, #golden rule, #test your rule, #hypocrite, #engineer, #hatred, #hypocricy, #manipulate, #engineering

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Boss: We can make this a great place to work by following the golden rule. Treat others as you would want them to treat you. Dilbert: That's dumb. Boss: It's not dumb! Dilbert: Let's test your rule. Would you like it if someone gave you a hundred dollars? Boss: Yes. Dilbert: Okay. So give me a hundred dollars. Or else forever live as a hypocrite who doesn't follow his own rule. Wally: Snork! Alice: Snork! Boss: I hate your engineering guts!!! Dilbert: At least you're making sense now.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2013's comic on:


Tags #embarrassment, #internet & world wide web, #twitter account, #inspirational tweets, #racist rants, #spelled jokes, #terrorist websites, #boss's twitter

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Boss: When I asked you to manage my Twitter account I assumed you knew I was expecting inspirational tweets. So far, all you've tweeted under my name are racist rants, misspelled jokes, and links to terrorist websites. Carol: To be fair, every one of those tweets was inspirational to someone.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2013's comic on:


Tags #anger, #angry, #hateful creature, #hope, #interviews, #job interview, #managers & supervisors, #monster, #optimisim, #smile, #toxic work place, #business

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Boss: You remind me of another young person I hired years ago. She was full of hope and optimism and she wore a permanent smile. Her name was Alice. As time passed, she devolved into an angry, hateful creature. No one knows what caused it. Interviewee: How long did it take? Boss: About a week. Interviewee: Apparently, you're a monster who creates a toxic workplace and you lack the self-awareness to realize it! Boss: Someone broke your record. Alice: Shut up.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2013's comic on:


Tags #deception, #fake websites, #gullibility, #idiopathy epidemic, #internet & world wide web, #search engine, #slap the victim

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Alice: I've learned to control reality by creating fake websites and doing search engine optimization. Boss: Did you hear about the idiopathy epidemic? They symptoms include pointy hair and gullibility. The only treatment is for someone else to slap the victim. Alice: Ask for it like you mean it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2013's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #honesty, #shakespeare, #born great, #achieve greatness, #steal, #theft, #shareholders

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CEO: Shakespeare said some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. I wonder which one I am. Catbert: Some steal from shareholders and call it greatness. CEO: Greatness of the fourth kind.