Ten Billion Dollars Comic Strips - Page 32

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View 311 - 320 results for ten billion dollars comic strips. Discover the best "Ten Billion Dollars" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags obliviousness, multitasking, lower iq, disagreement, office, desk

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Boss: Keep talking. I can multitask. Dilbert: Studies show that multitasking with interruptions can lower I.Q. by ten points. You don't have that much to spare. Boss: I disagree with whatever you said. Dilbert: I said you're competent.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, sales personnel, linux, million dollars, pay for upgrade, away for free

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Dogbert: I'll sell you the rights to use Linux for one million dollars. After the first month, you only need to pay for every upgrade. Boss: It sounds too good to be true. Dogbert: It's not as if I'm giving it away for free.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ironic, irony, statue crushed guard, too soon, word invention, iron sculpture, crushed security guard

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Dilbert: The iron sculpture in our lobby fell off its base and crushed a security guard. CEO: And that's where we get the word "ironic." Dilbert: It happened ten minutes ago. CEO: Oh, so it's "too soon?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags public speaking, stress, 10 thousand attendees, don't be stressed, nervous, fall apart, speech, large audience

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Boss: Ted, I want you to give a speech to ten thousand conference attendees. You'll be great. Don't get stressed. I said "don't."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags miserliness, wages, good work, saves billons, no raise, personal item, on desk, insoubordination, abuse of power, boss, money

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Boss: Alice, your good work has saved the company over a billion dollars. But I can't give you a raise because you once had a personal item on your desk. Alice: How are those things equal?!! Boss: And here comes the insubordination.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags inventions, thinking, product ideas, billion dollar ideas, unwilling, corporation, dumb person idea, pretend, drone that attacks, wooden screen phone

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Boss: Does anyone have any billion-dollar product ideas? Dilbert: There's a logical problem with that question. If I had a billion-dollar idea, I would quit this job and start my own company. Only a dumb person would give you his best idea for free. And the best idea from a dumb person is still dumb. But I am willing to give you some ideas that are too lame for my own use. Boss: Can you at least pretend to suggest good ideas? Dilbert: Sure. How about a phone with a wooden screen? Wally: How about a drone that attacks anyone who looks at it?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags article about leadrship, blog post, get paid, supportive, lifes mysteries

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Alice: Did you read the article I forwarded about the ten things every leader should be doing? I defended your honor by writing a blog post saying you don't do any of those things and you still get paid. Boss: Why doesn't this feel supportive? Alice: That's one of life's little mysteries.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, trees, computer model, genetically modify, tree growth, rare earth minerals, run a trail, money dents grow on trees, fault

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Dilbert: My computer model indicates that I can genetically modify a tree to grow leaves made of rare earth minerals. All I need is a hundred dollars to run a trial. Boss: Sorry. Money doesn't grow on trees. Dilbert: Well, now we know whose fault that is. Boss: Strangers?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, money, billion dollars, stop working, self defeating

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Dilbert: If you made a billion dollars, would you stop working? Wally: How would I make a billion dollars? Dilbert: You would have to start working. Wally: It seems sort of self-defeating.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ten things, leaders do, nine habits, successful people, article, time management, tricks, good leadership, listening skills

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Wally: Did you get the link I sent about the ten things all leaders need to do? I also sent you an article about the nine habits of successful people. And I sent you an article about the time management tricks used by successful people. According ti my research. There are 17,429 tricks you need to master to be a good leader. That might seem like a lot. But if you master ten per year, you'll be 1.2% competent by the time you retire. Boss: Why are we having this conversation? Wally: Im going to add "Listening skills" to the list.