2016 Comic Strips - Page 32

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #idea, #criticism, #inventions, #obfuscate

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: And that is my idea for our new product. Are there any ignorant objections? Man: Your idea is totally ridiculous! It's like you're tying to build castles in the sky! Dilbert: Have you heard of Air Force One, the plane used by the president of The United States? That's basically a castle in the sky, and someone built it. Man: Well, if your idea is so good, why hasn't someone already done it? Dilbert: I'm guessing that everyone else had co-workers like you.

Dilbert Creates An Artificial Soul

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Creates An Artificial Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conscience, #technology, #morals, #morality, #guidance, #Religion

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I invented an artificial soul to help non-believers act morally. It's a small drone that follows you around and reminds you not to be a jerk. Wally: Did it forget to remind you today? Dilbert: My drone says I shouldn't slap you.

The Virus Afterlife

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
The Virus Afterlife - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #conscience, #morality, #morals, #sentience, #life, #death, #existence, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I couldn't find any evidence that I have a soul, so I built an artificial one and put it in a drone. When my physical body dies, the drone will upload my memories and personality to the cloud to live forever. Woman: Your soul will be trapped in a server? Dilbert: No, I wrapped it in a virus so I can travel.

Don't Harm The Artificial Soul

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Don't Harm The Artificial Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #drone, #artificial intelligence, #frustration, #death, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Pay no attention to the drone. That's where I keep my artificial soul. It's still in beta, so please don't say anything that might harm it. Boss: Let's go around the room and give our project updates. Drone: Pow!

Talking About The Last Job

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Talking About The Last Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #personality, #comparing, #employees, #dumb, #business, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I will now compare my last job to this one because it is all I ever talk about. Everyone was so much smarter at my old job. Fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh. Dilbert: I assume that's why they fired you. Man: Lucky guess.

Nothing Else To Talk About

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Nothing Else To Talk About - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #personality, #boring, #bored, #conversation, #small talk, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Do you want to know how we would have handled this situation at my old job? Dilbert: No. Dilbert: Nothing would interest me less. Man: My only other topics of conversation are my health problems and TV shows you haven't seen. Dilbert: I stand corrected.

Bought His Last Company

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bought His Last Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #comparison, #comparing, #merger, #acquisition, #liquidation, #layoff, #redundancy, #big business, #competition, #darwin

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: That's now how we did it at my prior company. Boss: We bought your old company, fired all of the employees, and discontinued all of its products. Man: How is that possible? Boss: It's called "survival of the fittest." It's just science.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #app, #developer, #workload, #ideas, #obliviousness, #unrealistic, #goals

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: I have a great idea for an app. And I choose you to be on my start-up team. I'll be the idea person and you do all of the technology. Dilbert: So... I would be doing 100 percent of the work? Tina: I already did the hard part of coming up with an idea. Your part is just typing. So stop complaining and type me an app. Dilbert: It isn't that easy. Tina: Can you recommend someone less lazy?

Wally's Work Life Balance

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Work Life Balance - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I can't do your urgent task because I'm on deadline for my boss. I can't meet your deadline because I have an urgent task from a co-worker. I finally figured out the whole "work-life balance" thing.

Humidity Is Wrecking Hair

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Humidity Is Wrecking Hair - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hair, #humid, #bad hair day

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: The humidity is wrecking my hair. Please don't stare. Dilbert: I can't promise that. Alice: You're staring! Dilbert: I'm afraid to turn my back on it.