Hiring The Best Comic Strips - Page 32
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View 311 - 320 results for hiring the best comic strips. Discover the best "Hiring The Best" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share September 06, 1993's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, "I just love hiring these temporary workers!" The Boss carries a man over his shoulder. The Boss continues, "No employee benefits . . . No union . . . Just toss 'em in the dumpster when you're done with them!" Dilbert says, "The dumpster seems a bit inappropriate." The Boss replies, "They're way too big to flush."
Share July 26, 1993's comic on:
The foreman of the jury reads a document and says, "The jury has reached a decision in the case of 'Dogbert vs. A Big Corporation.'" The man continues, "We award Dogbert fifty million dollars because we hate big companies and we like little dogs with glasses." The man continues, "And we award a Maytag dryer to juror Mindy for being 'Best Dressed.'" The judge covers his eyes and thinks, "I hate my life."
Share July 18, 1993's comic on:
The Boss and Dilbert stand in front of a room of people. The Boss says, "The award for best attendance goes to Dilbert." Dilbert says, "I'd like to thank the people who made this possible." Dilbert continues, "First, I'd like to thank the women in the company who have rejected me over the years . . ." Dilbert continues, "Because of them I have no germ-riddled children to infect me." Dilbert continues, "And thanks to my co-workers for never telling me about important meetings, thus keeping my germ exposure to a minimum." Dilbert continues, "And thanks to my boss for never assigning a project important enough to induce stress and weaken my immune system." Dilbert continues, "But what makes this award special is that each of you had to get sick in order for me to win." Dilbert arrives at home and says, "When you have your health, you have everything, Dogbert." Dogbert replies, "No, you also have to gloat."
Share April 21, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert says to a classroom of young students, "Engineering is one of the best careers available." Dilbert continues, "For the next twenty years I'll sit in a big box called a cubicle. It's like a restroom stall but with lower walls." Dilbert continues, "I spend most of my time hoping the electromagnetic fields from my office equipment aren't killing me." The children look horrified.
Share March 13, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table. Dilbert says, "I'm not looking for romance. No, I just want to be friends." The woman asks, "That's all? But why?" Dilbert replies, "Because you have a snout like a porpoise." Dilbert arrives at home wearing disheveled clothes and bent glasses. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "When you use reverse psychology, it's best to leave out unflattering references to other mammals."
Share January 05, 1993's comic on:
The Boss thinks, "I've had enough of those wimpy management techniques like 'empowerment' and 'quality.'" The Boss stands behind an employee who is wearing a headband with a receiver on it. The Boss says, "Write a BETTER memo or I'll send a strong shock to your head." The Boss presses a button on his belt and the man receives a shock. The Boss looks at the reader and says, "The best part is that it's all subjective."
Share December 27, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert carries a load of dirty clothes to the washing machine. Dilbert looks at the label on a shirt collar. He reads, "Special washing instructions." Dilbert reads, "Fold the garment in a five-point star and wrap in cotton swathes . . ." Dilbert reads, "Launder only in pure glacier water heated to 98 degrees . . ." Dilbert reads, "For detergent, use only the glandular secretion of the Australian nik-nik bug . . ." Dilbert reads, "In fact, I'm so delicate that you're hurting me right now. Ouch! Ouch! Let me go! Help!" Dilbert stuffs the shirt into the machine." Dilbert says, "The best I can do is to make it quick." A scream comes from the machine.
Share December 15, 1992's comic on:
A woman approaches Dilbert and says, "So . . . Dilbert, welcome to the sales department. I'm Tina, your new boss." Dilbert holds out his hand and says, "Hi." Tina says, "As the new guy, you get the customers who despise our products and want to hurt us personally." A man climbs onto Dilbert's back and beats him on the head while yelling, "I hate you! I hate you!" Tina says, "You'll be selling to the small business market. He's your best account."
Share November 07, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert sits in his chair and Ratbert stands on the hassock. Ratbert asks, "Why are you so glum?" Dilbert replies, "It's lonely when Dogbert is away." Ratbert says as he dances, "Lonely? Ha! Let me entertain you with a little dance number. Then we'll bond and I'll replace Dogbert as your best friend!" Ratbert dances and signs "Kumbaya." Dilbert says, "Now I'm lonely and I have a dancing rat."
Share November 05, 1992's comic on:
Dilbert and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Dilbert says, "Sometimes I worry that I'll never be creative again. Maybe my best ideas are behind me." Wally replies, "Oh, I wouldn't worry. Nothing you've done up to now has been any great shakes either." Dilbert says, "Ooh, so maybe my best work is still ahead of me." Wally replies, "Well, you have to consider the track record here."