Life Expectency Comic Strips - Page 32
392 Results for Life Expectency
View 311 - 320 results for life expectency comic strips. Discover the best "Life Expectency" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dogbert stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk. Dogbert says, "I'm from the law firm of Dogbert, Dogbert and Dogbert. I'm suing you for draining the life force out of your employees." Dogbert holds a rag and says, "After being drained of life, employees are forced to leave the company. The lucky ones get jobs as rags for a car wash, like Joey Pishkin here." The Boss blows his nose on a rag. Dogbert says to the rag he's holding, "What Joey? That's Marge from accounting???"
Dogbert says to a group of rags, "I'll be representing you corporate employees in a class action suit. Your company has sucked the life force out of you and turned you into little rags." Dogbert continues, "My fee will be on a contingency basis. That means I get the entire settlement plus I'll use you to wax my BMW." One rag replies, "Sounds fair." Another thinks, "Don't make waves." Dogbert thinks, "I've found the perfect clients."
The Boss says to an employee, "Your new project will have no budget and no management support. Expect to spend most of your time giving status reports." The man's head disappears and he thinks, "Oh no! The life force has been drained out of me! I'm becoming a damp rag!!!" Dilbert looks at the floor and says, "That's amazing." The Boss replies, "It's nothing. I did eighteen at once at the employee empowerment brunch."
Dilbert bends over tying his shoelace. He tells Dogbert, "Maybe I'm unlucky in love because I'm so knowledgeable about science that I intimidate people." Dilbert continues, "Their intimiidation becomes low self-esteem, then they reject me to protect their egos." Dogbert says, "Occam's razor." They walk through the park. Dilbert asks, "What is 'Occam's razor'?" Dogbert answers, "A guy named Occam had a rule about the world." Dogbert continues, "Basically, he said that when there are multiple explanations for something, the simplest explanation is usually correct." They sit down on some rocks. Dogbert continues, "The simplest explanation for your poor love life is that you're immensely unattractive." Dilbert says, "Maybe Occam had another rule that specifically exempted this situation, but his house burned down with all his notes. Then he forgot." Dogbert says, "Occam's razor." Dilbert asks, "I'm an idiot?" Dogbert replies, "I don't think we can rule it out at this point."
Dilbert sits down at the table where Dogbert is writing on plates. Dilbert asks, "What are you making?" Dogbert replies, "Commemorative collectible plates." Dogbert explains, "One of the mysteries of life is that you can put any picture on a plate and hordes of morons will want to own it." Dilbert holds up a plate and says, "Wow! An acorn! And it's on a plate!" Dogbert asks, "What's it like to be a member of a horde?"
Dogbert stands on top of a beverage container and says, "To be a zombie you must drink the zombie elixir." Dogbert continues, "The zombie elixir will remove any distracting thoughts of sleep or family life." A man looks in his mug and says, "It looks like coffee." Dogbert holds a giant spoon of sugar and says, "You have to add one scoop of zombie sugar."
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "Dilbert, I want you to help Susan put the department budget together." Dilbert's tie stands up and he says, "Budget?!" Dilbert begs, "No, please! I'll be branded for life. The other engineers will spit on me." The Boss thinks, "Darn, his guard is up." Dilbert covers his eyes and says, "I'll have to wear a raincoat to work!"
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert says, "I'm going to start up a television news network that only reports happy stories." Dogbert sits at a news desk and says, "In sports, fifty percent of the teams won their games yesterday and all the players are millionaires - most of whom have no serious drug problems." Dogbert continues, "Our person of the week is Darryl, who, despite his tiny brain, found success through a life of crime." In the corner of the tv screen there is a picture of a man holding a bag of money and hugging a woman in front of a palm tree.
Dilbert stands in front of a classroom of children saying, "And don't forget the social life that comes with being an engineer." Dilbert continues, "Ninety percent of all engineers are guys, so it's a bonanza of dating opportunities for the ladies who enter the field." Dilbert continues, "For the men, there are these little video game devices . . ." A little girl raises her hand and asks, "Would I be allowed to date a non-engineer?"
A tall woman has her arm around Wally. Wally says to Dilbert, "Life has been great since the testosterone started spewing from my head." Dilbert points to the drops on Wally's head and says, "It looks like the flow is stopping." The woman steps away from Wally and says, "Wait-a-minute. Why was I touching you?" Wally says, "I hope you won't be shallow about this."