Sign Stuff Comic Strips - Page 32
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Dilbert walks into a store with a sale sign. He thinks, "I hate shopping." Dilbert continues thinking, "There's never a salesperson when you want to buy something." Dilbert continues thinking, "But when you're just looking . . ." Several salespeople cling to his back, arms and legs.
Dogbert and Dilbert, who is wearing a backpack and holding a hiking stick, walk past a sign that says, "Clyde Canyon Trail." Dilbert says, "Ah . . . A full week of hiking and exploring." Dilbert and Dogbert arrive at the canyon which is a small hole in the ground. Dilbert stands in the hole and says, "We're gonna be pretty tired of this place by the end of the week."
The strip is titled, "How to get free energy." Dilbert faces the reader and says, "The world is full of free energy, if you know where to look." Dilbert continues, "For example, the phone company sends extra electricity to make your phone ring." Dilbert connects a telephone to a large battery. He continues, "You can plug your phone line into a rechargeable battery . . ." Dilbert continues, "Then give suckers a reason to call." Dilbert hangs a poster on a telephone pole. The sign says, "Free money? Call." Dilbert stands in front of a full mailbox. He asks, "And what about junk mail? Are you just throwing it away?" Dilbert asks, "Do you know it can be burned to heat your house?" Dilbert shovels junk mail into a furnace. Dilbert stands at a table and says, "New week I'll tell you how to get electricity from your houseguests." A box of sneezing pepper and a fan connected to a battery sit on the table.
Rex: Dogbert, can I ask you a question? Dogbert: Sure, little Rex. Rex: What's the difference between good and evil? Dogbert: Well, evil is all the stuff you want to do... And good is the stuff that others force you to do. Rex: My dad says that good is what you know in your heart. He says evil is a bad gut feeling. Dogbert: Well, of course, your dad's brain is so tiny that his other organs have to pitch in like that. Rex: Maybe I shouldn't learn about life from a guy who counts with his toes. Dogbert: And thinks with his guts.
Dawn the Dinosaur hands Bob an egg and says, "It's your turn to baby-sit the egg, Bob." Bob throws the egg into the air and thinks, "I used to love it when my dad tossed me in the air." Bob thinks, "This dad stuff is easy." Dawn watches him toss the egg and looks furious.
A man slaps Dilbert on the back and says, "Hi, Dilbert. How's it going?" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh . . . He might have put a 'kick me' sign on my back." He says, "Hi, Wendel." Dilbert thinks, "I'd better stay close to the wall until I can check my back." Dilbert opens the door to the janitor's closet and thinks, "I'll just slip in here and see." Dilbert tries to check his back and thinks, "Can't reach." Dilbert leaves the closet and thinks, "Maybe I should just go home early." Another man slaps Dilbert on the back and says, "Hi, Dilbert. How's it going?" Dilbert groans. The man says to Wendel, "I hope they get some paper towels in the men's room soon." Wendel replies, "Yeah. Dilbert already left for the day."
Dogbert stands on the sidewalk holding a sign that says "Fur is Murder." There is a "Fur Sale" sign in the store behind him. The proprietor asks, "What's yer problem with my store, dog?" Dogbert replies, "I oppose the sale of fur." The storekeeper says, "I'm not selling fur. The whole store is 'fur sale.'" Dogbert says, "I oppose bad spelling too."
Dogbert holds a sign that says "Fur is Murder." Dogbert asks a woman in a fur coat, "How can you live with yourself? Have you no conscience?" The woman replies, "Oh, big deal . . . A bunch of minks get bad haircuts and I get a warm coat . . . I'll bet you'd make a nice pair of mittens." Dogbert says as he walks away, "I don't think I reached her."
A microchip gives dilbert the tour inside his computer. Michael: ...so you see, it's mostly a trick... We've been sending you subliminal hypnotic suggestions through the video display for years. Dilbert: Like what? Michael: Goofy stuff
Dilbert, Dogbert and a man sit on a park bench. The man says, ". . . So then I sez to my boss, 'You can just stuff this stupid project . . .'" The man continues, "Then I sez, 'Let's see YOU do this job.' And I sez, 'I should get a raise.' I gotta go." Dogbert says, "The more they sez 'I sez,' the less likely it is they really said what they sez they said."