Ted Comic Strips - Page 32
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Character
448 Results for Ted
View 311 - 320 results for ted comic strips. Discover the best "Ted" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday August 03,
1999
Tags tech support, queue, loser, speak to superior, religious debate, question
Transcript
A man sits in front of his computer and talks on the phone. He says, "Finally! I've been in the tech support queue for an hour!" Dogbert says, "Loser." The man says, "Can I speak to your superior?" Dogbert says, "There's some religious debate on that question."
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday June 01,
1999
Tags assertive men, woman, b word, boxer, bitch, fist of death, fist in face
Transcript
Alice has a man stuck on her hand post fist of death. The boss says, "Alilce, it's okay for men to be assertive, but when a woman acts that way..." The boss says, "Well, it's the "b" word." Alice says, "Boxer?" The boss says, "O-o-okay."
Monday May 31,
1999
Tags story ever end, purchase silence, fist of death, two warning system
Transcript
Ted, Alice and Wally sit in a meeting. Ted says, "But then I.." Alice taps Ted on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me." Alice says, "Does your story EVER end? Or must I purchase your silence with my fist of death?" Alice walks out of the meeting with Ted's still stuck to her arm. Alice says, "I might have to go to a two-warning system."
Sunday May 16,
1999
Tags proactive, boring meeting, fake death, coffee is posioned, stiffen, easier to drag, pose, obscene, spread eagle, casket, dispose of body, Wally
Transcript
Wally sits in a metting between Dilbert and Alice. Wally thinks, "I'll have to be proactive to escape this boring meeting." Wally takes a sip from his coffee and thinks, "I'll fake my own death and hope someone drags me into the hallway." Wally says, "Ack!! My coffee is poisoned!" Wally lies on the ground feet in the air. Dilbert says, "Maybe we should drag him into the hallway." Alice says, "No." Alice says, "Let's wait for him to stiffen. Then he'll be easier to drag." Ted says, "We should pose him before he stiffens." Dilbert says, "Something obscene?" Alice says, "Or spread eagle, so he won't fit in a casket." Wally lies on the grouns arms and legs wide with his coffe cup pearched on his face and thinks, "It never pays to be the proactive one."
Friday May 07,
1999
Tags chest pains, my heart, anti gravity belt, invented, cpr, engineers say
Transcript
Man that looks like Mordac sits between Dilbert and Ted. Mordac says, "Chest pains.... My heart.." Mordac says, "I invented a antigravity belt but it's hidden!" Mordac keels over, his feet wave in the air. Ted says, "Do you think it's true?" Dilbert says, "It's what engineers says to increase the odds of getting CPR."
Sunday April 11,
1999
Tags information promised, ignored request, squadron, military squirrels, plausible lie, giant military squirrels, secret lair
Transcript
Wally and Dilbert are walking down the hall. Dilbert says, "There's Ted. He never sent me the information he promised." Wally and Dilbert stop when they come up to Ted. Dilbert asks, "Why have you ignored my request, Ted?" Ted says, "I was killed by a squadron of giant military squirrels." Wally tells Dilbert, that "He doesn't respect you enough to tell a plausible lie." Dilbert screams, "I demand a PLAUSIBLE lie!" Ted responds, "Okay, maybe I WASN'T killed by giant military squirrels." Ted continues, "But I WAS imprisoned in their secret lair at the center of the earth." Wally and Dilbert are walking away. Wally: "You can't prove that one either way." Dilbert: "He did say it was a "secret" lair."
Friday April 02,
1999
Tags process will fail, everything, plan work, many tools, conference call
Transcript
Dilbert sits at a table with another man (Ted). Dilbert looks at a piece of paper and says, "You're suggesting a process that will fail even if we do evrything right." The man says, "When can you start?" Dilbert says, "Listen carefully. No amount of skill or effort can make this plan work." The guy says, "No pain, no gain." Dilbert says, "you're not working with many tools here, are you?" The man says, "We need some sort of conferance call."
Thursday March 25,
1999
Tags wife had baby, a moron, foster care, first instinct
Transcript
A man walks up to Dilbert and Wally in the office kitchen. The man says, "My wife had a baby!" Wally says, "I hope it's not a moron." Dilbert says, "Have you looked into foster care?" Dilbert says, "Maybe we shouldn't have gone with our first instinct." Wally says, "We meant well."
Thursday February 04,
1999
Tags immense ego, seems normal, decided, doctor, determine lives, dies, die from ulcer, enjoy challenge, medical
Transcript
Dogbert dressed in a crown and sceptar stands by Dilbert's computer. Dogbert says, "I need a job where my immense ego seems normal." Dogbert says, "I've decided to be a doctor. I will determine who lives and who dies!" Dogbert is in a doctor's office. He still wears the crown and has a stethoscope around his neck. A man in boxer shorts says, "What? I can't die from an ulcer!" Dogbert says, "Maybe not, but I enjoy the challenge."
Saturday January 23,
1999
Tags floss, disgusted, hateful, dinner, meal, other people, gross habits, public hygiene
Transcript
Dilbert sit with Ted at a conference table. Ted says, "Do you mind if I floss?" Dilbert says, "Yes. I would be thoroughly disgusted and hate you forever." Ted begins to floss. Ted says, "Well, I can't please everyone."

