Missed Dead Line Comic Strips - Page 32

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View 311 - 320 results for missed dead line comic strips. Discover the best "Missed Dead Line" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 2003's comic on:


Tags #testing new invention, #mothers use telephone, #toddlers noise cancelation, #visual, #child, #moth frozen open, #change forever

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Dilbert says into the telephone, "Thanks for testing my new invention." The woman on the other end of the line says, "If this thing works, it will forever change the way that mothers use the telephone." Dilbert says, "We've been on the phone for half a minute. The noise should start at any moment." The woman says, "Here it comes." A toddler walks into the room and yells, "Hey! What are you doing on the phone?!" The toddler continues yelling, "Can I eat ten cookies? I think my arm is broken! Where's my toy?!!" The toddler cries, "Waaaaaaaaa!!" On the other end of the line, Dilbert says, "Now push the toddler noise cancellation button." The toddler's mouth is still wide open, but no sound is coming out. The woman says, "It stopped the noise, but you need to do something about the visual."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 2003's comic on:


Tags #boosting prformance, #vacation days, #use all, #recahrged, #issed days, #copeantetive advantage, #retirement, #return, #15 year vacation, #20 years in minutes

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"I have an idea for boosting my performance." "You wisely coached us to use all of our vacation days every year." "Because we come back recharged!" "Our renewed motivation is more than enough to compensate for ths missed days." "My plan is to leverage that competitive advantage." "I'll take a fifteen year vacation and return ten minutes before retirement." "Then I'll be so recharged that I'll pounce and do twenty years of work in minutes!!" "Unless it's near a holiday, in which case, do you mind if I leave early?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2002's comic on:


Tags #tech support, #document, #free paper, #quality of paper, #lousy regular, #silkier, #accept the things can't change

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Dogbert says into his telephone headset, "This is Dogbert's Tech Support. How may I abuse you?" The man on the other end of the line replies, "My printer prints a blank page after every document." Dogbert says, "Why would you complain about getting free paper?" The man responds, "Free? Isn't it just giving me my own paper?" Dogbert replies, "Egad, man! Look at the quality of the free paper compared to your lousy regular paper!" Dogbert continues, "Only a fool or a liar would say they look the same!" The man responds, "Now that you mention it, it does seem silkier." Dilbert approaches Dogbert and asks, "What are you doing?" Dogbert replies, "I'm helping people accept the things they can't change."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 2002's comic on:


Tags #50 management, #interpretor, #jargin, #languages, #mumble, #mumble mumble, #pointy haired dialct

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "...And the most critical part of your objective is..." All that comes from The Boss' mouth is, "Mumble, mumble, mumble." Dilbert turns and asks, "What?" The Boss continues, "Mumble, mumble, mumble." Dilbert gets up and says, "I'll be right back. I need an interpreter who speaks mumble." Dilbert comes back with a coworker, whom he introduces to The Boss. Dilbert says, "This is Allen. He speaks fifty management languages including jargon, weaselease and mumble." The Boss turns to Allen and says, "Mumble, mumble, mumble." Allen replies, "Mumble, mumble, mumble." Allen reports to Dilbert, "I'm a bit rusty with the pointy-haired dialect but I think he wants you to line dance in a gazebo."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2002's comic on:


Tags #be charming, #more important, #project thwarted, #seriously hound her, #unhelpful, #woman, #application, #boss advice

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A woman says into the phone, "I'll get to your application as soon as I have nothing more important to do." Dilbert is on the other end of the line. He says, "Okay.. thank you very much." Dilbert hangs up the phone and thinks, "I just thanked someone for doing nothing." Dilbert enters The Boss' office and says, "My project is being thwarted by a woman who gets satisfaction from being unhelpful." The Boss responds, "Have you tried using your charm?" Dilbert says, "I guess I can try." The Boss replies, "Ha ha ha! Just kidding." The Boss says, "But seriously, try hounding her until she recoils in pain at the sound of your voice." Dilbert asks, "Will that work?" The Boss replies, "Sometimes the best you can do is make other people feel bad."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2002's comic on:


Tags #frequent grocery club, #memebership, #Card, #engineer spittle, #carry card, #inconvienced, #junk mail list, #charge me same

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Dilbert is at the checkout line of a supermarket. The cashier asks him, "Are you a member of our frequent grocery club?" Dilbert responds, "No, what is it?" The cashier replies, "You get a membership card that entitles you to discounts." Dilbert says, "Let's see if I have this straight..." Dilbert continues, "I'll be inconvenienced by having to fill out a form and carry your stupid card around..." Dilbert continues, "And in return, you'll put me on a junk mail list, and charge me the same as the grocery store across the street?" Dilbert yells, "AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BE HAPPY ABOUT IT?!!" The customer in line behind Dilbert says, "But it's free!" The cashier says into the intercom, "Cleanup on register two.. it's engineer spittle."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2001's comic on:


Tags #incompetent vp, #fired, #fvaor, #laugh, #resignation, #announcement, #terse, #incompetence, #ambiguaous, #meaning

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Catbert says to Fred, "Fred, you're an incompetent VP. You're fired." Fred asks, "May I ask for one favor?" Catbert says, "Sure. I could use a laugh." Fred says, "Please don't make my resignation announcement terse." Fred continues, "If it's terse, everyone will know I was fired for incompetence." Catbert smiles an ugly smile and Fred asks, "Does that smile mean you'll do what I ask?" Catbert says, "I'm sorry if that was ambiguous. Let me try again." Catbert smiles an even bigger ugly smile and Fred says, "I'm still not getting your meaning." Dilbert sits at his computer and reads a memo which says, "Re: Fred. Career dead."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2013's comic on:


Tags #comic ends early, #embedded punchline, #follow passion, #joking, #made fat, #set up, #blank frame, #sight gag

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Asok: I tried to follow my passion but it only made me fat. Dogbert: This comic ends early because some idiot embedded the punch line in the setup. Message to Readers

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cats & kittens, #physics, #famous physicist, #zombie

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Catbert: This is Wulf. He used to work for a famous physicist named Schrodinger. He escaped before the experiment was finished and now he's both alive and dead at the same time. Dilbert: Like a zombie? Catbert: Uh-oh. Wulf: Wow. I have half a mind to be offended by that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2013's comic on:


Tags #afterlife, #death & dying, #zombie, #truth about afterlife, #projecting, #curiosity

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Wulf: I was Schrodinger's cat back in the day. That's why I'm alive and dead at the same time. I know the truth about the afterlife because my dead half told my living half all about it. Do you want to know what happens? Wally: Stop projecting your curiosity on me.