Ratbert The Consulatant Comic Strips - Page 32

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CHIPS "Hello Dogbert. I am here to persuade you to give your billions to third world countries." "If guilt does not work, I am prepared to wrestle you for it." "How's your decoy working out?" "He's got Bono in a headlock."

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"Oprah invited me to appear on her show to talk about my book, but I'm too busy. Can you pretend you're me?" "Gosh...Normally I would never do something like that, but it's probably my only chance of being on Oprah. Thank you." "Ow! Ow! Ow!" "Oprah is a surprisingly good puncher."

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"Thanks to coffee, I can levitate objects with my mind." "Bring...the mouse...Bring the...mouse." "It's not perfect yet." "No problem. I appreciate the attention."

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"I want to debate with people on the Internet but I worry that I'm not smart enough." "Maybe I'll just read what the smart people are saying." "Okay, I'm in."

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"I'm debating on the Internet!" "Ha ha! I'm winning every argument by saying the same thing!" "What's that?" "'How would you like it if Hitler killed you?'" "Hey, I debated you last night!"

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It's another day of useless work and no accomplishment. "Luckily I have a meaningful personal life." "Ratbert broke the Xbox." "GAAA!!! I HAVE NOTHING!"

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"Today you will wear clothes you don't want to wear." "You'll drive somewhere you don't want to be, and do things you don't want to do." "Have a nice day."

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"Have fun working while I'm home chewing on your computer cables." "I'll probably start with a USB cable appetizer, then do the Ethernet cable with blue cheese dressing." "Then I'm going to wrap my colon around some coax." "I envy you, and it's disturbing."

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Tags #mole hired, #boss, #sneak, #mole as mole, #people think, #gas bag, #bad press, #bad thoughts, #worthless, #self important

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The Boss: What have you learned this week working as my employee mole? Mole: Some of the people in this building think you're a worthless, self-important gas bag. The Boss: What do other people think? Mole: They don't know you."

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Tags #inmtern, #ceo, #powerpoint slides, #board of directors, #bonus, #luck, #tenuous connections, #hopeful

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The Boss: Our CEO didn't understand the powerpoint slides you made for him, so he asked the board of directors for a bonus. With any luck, the bonus will incent him to try harder to understand your slides. I'm getting better at finding tenuous connections to hope.