2017 Comic Strips - Page 32

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Barry Dingle Asks About Blockchain

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Barry Dingle Asks About Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags questioning, time, quick question

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Barry: I see you're off your phone. Can I pop in and ask a quick question? Boss: Yes, but only if it is quick. Barry: Oh, it will be. Boss: Okay, make it quick. Barry: What is blockchain and how will it influence our strategy across all product lines?

Barry Dingle

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Barry Dingle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags questioning, correct, incorrect, explanation, answer

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Boss: Sorry I'm late. Barry Dingle keeps hanging around my office and asking hard questions. Dilbert: You don't know the answer to any hard questions. Boss: That's why it takes so long. Dilbert: So... you just spout nonsense until he leaves? Boss: That's my go-to strategy for most situations.

Wally Works On Stealth Clothing

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Wally Works On Stealth Clothing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags invisibility, attendance, deception, laziness

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Boss: We won a bid to design stealth clothing for the military. Wally: Ooh! Ooh! I volunteer to work on that project. Boss: Um... okay. Narrator: One month later. Boss: Your attendance has been poor lately. Wally: Here's where I teach you about "reasonable doubt."

Wally Is Working If You Don't See Him

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Wally Is Working If You Don't See Him - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, deception, invisibility, work ethic

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Boss: How's your stealth clothing project coming along? Wally: Great. I'm usually testing the prototype in the office. That's why you rarely see me working. Boss: So... the less I see you work, the more successful you must be? Wally: It's just common sense.

Wally Presents To Board

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Wally Presents To Board - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags stealth, invisibility, naked, surprise, hiding, camoflage

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Boss: I want you to present your stealth clothing prototype to our board. Wally: Are you sure? Boss: Of course I'm sure. CEO: I thought we were trying to make the person invisible. Wally: Then why is it called stealth "clothing?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags prognosticate, prediction, projection, budget, blame

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Boss: Are your financial projections available? Dilbert: Yes, because I can see into the future. Boss: No one can see into the future. Dilbert: Then why did you ask me if I can do it? Boss: It's your job to predict the outcome of your project. Dilbert: Why would you ask me to do something that no one can do? Boss: I don't need you to be accurate. I only need someone to blame when we go over budget. Dilbert: I saw that coming. Boss: No one like a braggart.

Traffic App

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Traffic App  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags excuses, lying, app, technology, busted, caught

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Wally: Sorry I"m late. There was a big accident on the freeway. Boss: Not according to my traffic app. Wally: Just out of curiosity, what types of excuses are impossible to check with an app?

Watch That Monitors Health

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Watch That Monitors Health - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags health, wearable tech, fitbit, fitness, monitor, surveillance

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Boss: Our new product is a watch that monitors every aspect of your health. Wearing the watch is mandatory for all employees. Your data will automatically stream to our cloud storage. Voice: Because you care about our health? Boss: Sure. We'll go with that.

Wally's Watch Is A Snitch

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Wally's Watch Is A Snitch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wearable tech, health, surveillance, fitbit, monitor, fitness, attendance

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Wally: I can't come to work today. I'm totally sick. Boss: According to your employee health monitor, you're not sick at all. Wally: Stupid snitch!!!

Work Until You Drop

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Work Until You Drop - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags health, monitor, fitbit, energy, surveillance, wearable tech, dedication, work ethic

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Boss: Your health tracker says you are leaving work at the end of each day with energy to spare. That's exactly like stealing from the company. Dilbert: You want me to work until I drop? Boss: I'm not allowed to say that directly.