2018 Comic Strips - Page 33
Search Filters
Year
- 2023
- 2022
- 2021
- 2020
- 2019
- 2018
- 2017
- 2016
- 2015
- 2014
- 2013
- 2012
- 2011
- 2010
- 2009
- 2008
- 2007
- 2006
- 2005
- 2004
- 2003
- 2002
- 2001
- 2000
- 1999
- 1998
- 1997
- 1996
- 1995
- 1994
- 1993
- 1992
- 1991
- 1990
- 1989
Character
Thursday November 15,
2018
Complaining Versus Hiding
Tags boss, complaining, employees, employment, jobs, managers & supervisors
Transcript
Asok: I'm doing the job of three people and it isn't fair. Boss: Good point. Alice is doing the job of seven people. I'll give you two of her jobs to balance it out. Wally: So...is complaining better than hiding? Asok: No...you were right.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Friday November 16,
2018
Changing The Website
Tags boss, business, internet & world wide web, managers & supervisors, sarcasm
Transcript
Dilbert: We need to change one of the links on our website. Boss: Pull together a study team, do a focus group, get buy-in from all departments, and present it at the next division meeting. Dilbert: I changed it while you were yammering. Boss: Let us never speak of this again.
Saturday November 17,
2018
No Internet
Tags business, complaining, engineering, office workers, technology
Transcript
Boss: The network will be down all day, but try to do what you can without it. Dilbert: What can we do without it besides drink coffee, complain, and whittle? Boss: No knives at work. Dilbert: Hold off on the whittling.
Sunday December 02,
2018
Tags business, decision, executives, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, success, manipulation
Transcript
CEO: Profits have increased thirty percent under my leadership. Dilbert: Snort. CEO: What? Dilbert: All you do is pick the best plans from the options we show you. CEO: Exactly, and I pick the best plan every time. Dilbert: That's because we only show you the best plans compared to the worst plans we can think of. We control every decision you make by manipulating your perception of the options. CEO: We need to fix that. Dilbert: How do you fix something that isn't broken?
Monday November 19,
2018
Sabotage The Plan
Tags boss, engineering, managers & supervisors, plan, sabatoge, incompetent
Transcript
Dilbert: We know our boss's plan is a bad idea, but it's our job to execute anyway. Wally: Maybe we should try to sabotage the plan by being incompetent. Dilbert: Since when do you need a reason to be incompetent? Wally: It's more of a "nice but not necessary" situation.
Tuesday November 20,
2018
Boss Email Password
Tags business, competition, email, obliviousness, security, strategy
Transcript
Boss: We need to find out who leaked our strategy to our competition. Alice: Is your email password still 123? Boss: Stop changing the subject.
Wednesday November 21,
2018
Bitter Losers
Tags boss, idea, lying, managers & supervisors, office workers, Promotion
Transcript
Boss: I'm promoting Ted for coming up with a genius idea to reduce our software expenses. Dilbert: That was actually my idea. All Ted did was tell you it was his idea. Boss: How do you put up with these bitter losers? Ted: The promotion helps.
Thursday November 22,
2018
Teach Employees To Code
Tags boss, computers, engineering, managers & supervisors, office workers, teaching, smart
Transcript
Boss: The job market is so tight we can't find any programmers. So I want you to teach some of our employees how to code. Dilbert: You mean the smart ones, I hope. Boss: No, we need the smart ones in their current jobs.
Friday November 23,
2018
Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People
Tags computers, insults, marketing, office workers, sales, teaching, smart
Transcript
Dilbert: My boss asked me to teach a class on coding because it is hard to find programmers in this job market. Are there any smart people in the class or do you all work in marketing and sales? Voice: What's that supposed to mean? Dilbert: Thank you. Is anyone else in sales?
Saturday November 24,
2018
Ai Can Control Minds
Tags control, intelligence, office workers, robot, technology, humans
Transcript
Man: We've developed an A.I. with such strong persuasion skills it can control human minds. Dilbert: Obviously, we have to stop the project and destroy all of the code to prevent it from spreading. Man: The A.I. says I need to ignore you.

