Quality Control Group Comic Strips - Page 33

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

407 Results for Quality Control Group

View 321 - 330 results for quality control group comic strips. Discover the best "Quality Control Group" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2012's comic on:


Tags #dieting & weight control, #interviews, #tattoos & body marking, #job interview, #face tattoo, #overeating, #bad idea, #people can see, #dont interview well

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you ever think that getting that face tattoo might be a bad career move? Interviewee: No. Was there ever a time you thought overeating was a bad idea? Because people can see that. Boss: You don't interview well. Job interview

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2012's comic on:


Tags #suspicion, #assemble data, #boring work, #quality over quality, #poor politics, #office politics

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to assemble a huge amount of totally incomprehensible data. Make it boring so no one looks at it too closely. I'm aiming for quantity over quality. Dilbert: I have a bad feeling about this. Boss: No one would pay you to feel good.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 10, 2013's comic on:


Tags #best customers, #combo pack, #creepy bearded guys, #potato chips, #retail business, #tissues

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Research shows that your best customers are creepy bearded guys. That same group also buys a high volume of potato chips and tissues. Boss: How's that help us? Dogbert: Two words: Combo Pack.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2013's comic on:


Tags #deception, #fake websites, #gullibility, #idiopathy epidemic, #internet & world wide web, #search engine, #slap the victim

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I've learned to control reality by creating fake websites and doing search engine optimization. Boss: Did you hear about the idiopathy epidemic? They symptoms include pointy hair and gullibility. The only treatment is for someone else to slap the victim. Alice: Ask for it like you mean it.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2013's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #win battle, #developing better tv sets, #digital couch, #butt warmer, #bottle opener, #back scratcher, #control lights, #temperature, #buttocks like a mouse

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: The biggest tech companies want to win the battle for your living room. But they are unwisely focusing on developing better TV sets. Today I give you me design for a fully digital couch. It has all of the features you would expect, including a butt warmer, surround sound, bottle opener and back scratcher. But you can also control the lights, curtains, temperature and TV by using your buttocks like a mouse on the seat cushion. This is a loft click and... this is a right. The prototype arrives tomorrow, and I'll be testing it for the next six months. Maybe I'll sell my house.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2013's comic on:


Tags #boss, #inventions, #joking, #remote control, #shocked, #stick collar, #wearable computing, #necklace computer

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Wearable computing is the next big thing. This is my prototype of a necklace computer. Prepare to be shocked. Dilbert: Did you just talk him into wearing a remotely controlled shock collar? Wally: People think I have no goals. click.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2013's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #work ethic, #too many smart people, #boost perfromance, #strategy, #not paying attention

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Studies say that having too many smart people in a group lowers productivity. So I seeded this project team with an idiot to boost performance. Coworker: My strategy of not paying attention in school is finally paying off.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2013's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #obliviousness, #two ways to fail, #miss deadlines, #quality of work, #active non listening, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: You've given me so many projects that I have two ways to fail. I can either miss all of my deadlines or I can reduce the quality of my work to rubbish. Which do you prefer? Boss: The class I took in active non-listening is really paying off. I need this by Tuesday.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 09, 2013's comic on:


Tags #wages, #2% raise, #lower quality of work, #side bets, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The best I can give you is a 2% raise. Dilbert: No problem. I'll just lower the quality of my work until my pay feels fair. Boss: You can't do that. Dilbert: I'm taking side bets that I can.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2013's comic on:


Tags #paying bills, #trees, #off site document, #storage costs, #out of control, #core bsuiness, #trees are jerks, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our off-site document storage costs are growing out of control. At this rate, our core business can be summarized as "put trees in jail." This is when you say something wise and helpful. CEO: Trees are jerks.