Ten Billion Dollars Comic Strips - Page 33
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390 Results for Ten Billion Dollars
View 321 - 330 results for ten billion dollars comic strips. Discover the best "Ten Billion Dollars" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday September 12,
2014
Tags employees, learn from coworkers, busy worers, request, no one helps, learning, business
Transcript
Boss: Asok, the best way to advance your career is by learning as much as you can from co-workers. Asok: Can you show me what you are doing? Alice: Come back in ten years when I'm not busy. Asok: No one will help me learn anything. Boss: You learned that!
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Monday September 22,
2014
Donuts 'N Vodka
Tags cognitive control, hiring, job interview, self control, temptation, prediction of success, donut, laptop, bottle vodka, resist
Transcript
Catbert: Your experience is impressive, but a better predictor of success is your cognitive control. I will leave you for ten minutes with a donut, a laptop full of inappropriate videos, and a bottle of vodka. Try to resist them. Man: Yee-ha! Mmm-mm! Catbert: Do not go in there.
Sunday November 02,
2014
Tags obliviousness, time management, touch, touching, touching paper, turn off phone, ignore email, one touch, salad tongs, on etouch, interupted
Transcript
Boss: The key to good time management is touching each piece of paper once. If I can only touch it once, I'd better do it right. I'll need to make sure I don't get interrupted after the first touch.Turn off my phone, close my door, and ignore email. Okay, here goes one touch. Ugh. This will take an hour and I only have ten minutes. Make a copy, throw away the original, and don't let me touch the copy until I have an hour in my schedule. I wonder if I'm allowed to use salad tongs.
Friday January 23,
2015
13 Percent Employees Engaged
Tags employee, employees, engagement, motivation, global survey, engaged at work, business
Transcript
Boss: A global survey says only 13% of employees feel engaged at work. Dilbert: If you're wondering which one of your employees is engaged, it's this guy. Boss: We need ten more just like him. Dilbert: I think I just figured out what's wrong with the rest of us.
Saturday January 24,
2015
The One Out Of Ten Guy
Tags bad logic, knowledge, logic, statistics, studies, problem, department
Transcript
Coworker: You know how studies always say one out of ten people have a particular problem. I'm always that guy. Statistically speaking, I keep nine people safe just by existing. Dilbert: That's not how statistics work. Coworker: And... everyone else in the department knows that?
Thursday February 12,
2015
Anchor Price For Negotiations
Tags haggling, negotiating, negotiation, research, value, worth, anchor price, science
Transcript
Salesman: I'll start our negotiation by setting the anchor price at... Dilbert: Five dollars. Salesman: Um, I was going to say $27,500, but you beat me to the anchor, and now I can't help thinking the fair price is closer to $5. How does an engineer know more about the intricacies of my job than I do? Dilbert: I had five minutes and a browser.
Tuesday March 03,
2015
Tall People Earn More
Tags anger, discrimination, fairness, height, money, salary, wages, Women, tall people, short people, performance reviews, height accordingly, female workers
Transcript
CEO: Studies show that tall people earn more than shorter people. So instead of doing performance reviews this year, we'll just measure your height and pay accordingly. And, of course, Alice will earn ten percent less than the men. I think that's a law.
Friday April 10,
2015
Alice Has Foul Language
Tags offense, language, joke, jokes, human resources, complaint, business
Transcript
Boss: Tina complained that your foul language is creating a hostile work environment. Alice: That's ridiculous. Words are totally harmless. Tell Tina she can... [Ten Seconds Later. The boss is twitching] Okay, I see it now.
Sunday April 19,
2015
Tags deciding, lunch, choosing, technology, options, yelp, frustration
Transcript
How To Eat Lunch. Dilbert: Lunch? Alice: Sure. Where do you want to go? Dilbert: Well, let's see... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... Alice: You're slow. Let me check! Dilbert: No... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... Alice: No... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... Dilbert: No... no... no... no... no... no... Alice: How about this... No, bad review. Dilbert: How about this... No, they have no tables. [45 Minutes Later] Alice: Show me food! Dilbert: Food! Food! Food! Boss: Time to make some billion-dollar decisions. Dilbert: I'm going feral!
Monday May 25,
2015
Only Masochist Would Live Here
Tags hiring, jobs, talent, masochist, masochism, expectations, work ethic, work environment
Transcript
CEO: Here's my list of the ten qualities I want in all new employees. Catbert: A person with all of these qualities would also need to be a masochist to work here. CEO: Write that in.