2008 Comic Strips - Page 33

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags imagination, experince, email, boss, hurts brain, think about it, team players, new projects, form of evil, people squander it

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Asok says, "Is it my imagination or am I doing your job, plus mine?" Wally says, "That's not your imagination, Asok." Wally says, "It's a little thing I call experience." Wally says, "Once a week, I e-mail our pointy-haired boss and ask him a question." Wally says, "I make the question so complicated that it hurts his brain." The Boss says, "Ow! Ow! Ow!" Wally says, "He'll spend the rest of the week avoiding me so he doesn't need to think about it." Wally says, "Meanwhile he seeks out team players and hammers them with new projects." Asok says, "So... experience is a form of evil?" Wally says, "Not always. Some people squander it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dress code, office, office workers, company shirts, casual freidays, lower self esteem, stop complaining, industry average, feel overpaid

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Catbert: I modified the dress code to require wearing company shirts on casual Fridays. That should lower our employees' self-esteem until they stop complaining about earning less than the industry average. Dilbert: Why do I feel overpaid today?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, message, sleeping, full attention, instant message, asleep, employing heuristics, business

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The boss: I don't think I have your full attention. Alice: It's Asok's turn to listen. If you say anything useful, he'll send us an instance message. The boss: He's asleep. Alice: He's employing heuristics.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags headache, laptop, meeting, evil director, human resources, laptops banned, meetings, should crushing boredom, futility headache, business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Computer: Laptops are banned from all meetings. The only things that should be in your mind during meetings are soul-crushing boredom and a futility headache. The boss: That's more like it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer, distraction, internet, productive, pictures of gadgets, technology

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Dilbert: I want to be productive, but the internet is calling to me. Computer: Hey, buddy. I've got pictures of gadgets. Dilbert: Cool ones? Computer: Sure, let's pretend that matters.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags addicted to internet, doctor, interesting, internet, medicine, offcie, pill, underlying probelm, medical, technology

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Dilbert: I'm addicted to the internet because it's more interesting than people. Is there a pill you can give to everyone else to make them more interesting? Doctors never want to treat the underlying problem.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags date, perfect, low entertainment value, use our phones, surf the internet, call it a date, perfect woman

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Tina: This conversation has a low entertainment value. Let's just use our phones to surf the internet, and call it a date. Dilbert: I don't use the phrase "perfect woman" often... Tina: Shhh

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apologize for efficiency, apology, how far, meeting, reasonable assumptions, timeline for deployment, vacation, without knowledge of insight, business

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The boss: Let's figure out a timeline for development. Dilbert: Ted is the only one who knows anything about that. And he's on vacation. The boss: Let's see how far we can get without Ted. Alice: You mean without knowledge or insight? The boss: We can make reasonable assumptions. Dilbert: Or we could wait for Ted to come back tomorrow and ask him.. The boss: I called this meeting and it's not a meeting until someone's time gets wasted! Dilbert: I apologize for my efficiency. The boss: Apology accepted.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bacon and eggs, breakfast, breakfast foods, chicken, dead pig, home early, pig, meeting, animals, business

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The boss: As I gazed at my bacon and egg this morning, I realized... The chicken contributed, but the pig was commutted. I am so clever. Wally: If I promise to work like a dead big, can i go home early?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coldness of the grave, dress it up, high in demand, mad, time, time management, waiting

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Ted: Who are we waiting for? Dilbert: Alice. She has poor time management skills. But she's try to dress it up by saying she's in high demand. Why do I suddenly feel the coldness of the grave.