Employees Comic Strips - Page 33

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

581 Results for Employees

View 321 - 330 results for employees comic strips. Discover the best "Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, campiagn, employee happiness, forbidden fruit, no dating emplyees, date each other

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources AS part of my ongoing campaign against employee happiness.." "Employees are not allowed to date each other." "Now you're forbidden fruit...yummmy." "Stay back, rule-breaker."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, expect raises, bad ratings, reflect poorly, ability to motivate, useless people, feel bad

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: "Don't rate any employees "excellent" because then they'd deserve raises." "Don't give any bad ratings either because it would reflect poorly on your ability to hire and motivate people." The boss: "How will I make the useless people feel bad if I'm rating them "good"?" Catbert: "Try using this scowl."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, himan resources, downsized, free dvd, live off land, shoplifting, running fast

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Don't worry about being downsized after the reorganization." "Downsized employees will get my free DVD that teaches you how to live off the land." "The key to successful shoplifting is running very fast."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags indeispoensible, comapny, outrageously annoying, pretty annoying, crushed ice chomping

View Transcript

Transcript

I've decided to become indispensible to the company. "Indispensible employees can get away with outrageously annoying behavior." "You're already pretty annoying." "I've been reading up on crushed ice chomping."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pointy haired boss, problem, project, upgrade denied, stupid resolution, extra disc space, conscioussness

View Transcript

Transcript

"When our pointy-haired boss asks you about your project, what should you say?" "I would inform him about any problems." "Big mistake. If he hears that you have a problem, he might try to help." "How can help be bad?" "Asok, how's your project?" "Good, but I need to upgrade my disk drive to store all of the image data." "Forget that. Just e-mail peices of the database to employees who have extra disc space." "Please pull on this until I lose consciousness."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags unclear objectives, complaint, be clear, call a tie, selfish

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: The number one complaint from employees is 'unclear objectives.' The Boss: My number one complaint is that it takes too much effort for me to be clear. Catbert: Lets call it a tie. The bossL what are they so selfish?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags trained employees, feral employees, in alley, animals, creamer, crouched

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss: we can't afford to hire any trained employees. Catbert: hire feral employees. The boss: where do I find feral employees? Catbert: I saw some in the alley. The bossL who wants a creamer?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags stock investing, valuable data, project on schedule, refines data, ceo, accountants, nanotaechnology, discount brokerage, investors, secret society, donald trumps

View Transcript

Transcript

dogcart explains stock investing Dogbert: pay attention. First, employees provide data. Th boss: is your project on schedule? Wally: I didn't know I had a project. A Manager refines the data. The boss: we're on schedule. The CEO gives visibility to analysts. CEO: no problems whatsoever. Accountants publish bad news in footage notes using a combination of nanotechnology and gibberish. Accountant: still too obvious. -Discount brokerage firms tell you that you're smart- Use you own ideas! Investors do their own research Buy it because I did. Thank you unbiased stranger! A secret society of Donald Trump look alike end up with all your money trumps: you're fired. you are!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags spouses get benefits, marry each other, fluorescent light, walls head, director of hr, save money

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert, the evil director of HR "Married employees cost us more because spouses get benefits." "If we can get our employees to marry each other we'll save money." "Have you ever noticed how the fluorescent light glistens off of Wally's head."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags paranoid, emplooyees, trying to kill, pauses between words, no payment, ruled out paranoia, session, therapist session, crazy, couch, offensive, cheap, reluctance to heal

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I think my employees are trying t kill me. Am I paranoid? The boss: put your answer in an metal. O spot want to be paying for the pauses between you words. Therapist: Ive ruled out paranoia. The Boss: phew thats a relief.