Six Million To Four Comic Strips - Page 33

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

388 Results for Six Million To Four

View 321 - 330 results for six million to four comic strips. Discover the best "Six Million To Four" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #perfromance appraisel, #four years, #starting documentation, #fire me later, #24 hours aday, #motivational

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands behind Alice's desk and says, "Alice, I'm almost done with your performance appraisal." Alice looks horrified and gasps. Alice turns her chair to face the Boss and says, "I haven't had an appraisal in four years. You must be starting a documentation trail so you can fire me later." Alice types wildly and yells, "I'LL WORK 24 HOURS A DAY!!" The Boss thinks, "That was way more motivational than I'd hoped."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the problem, #under staffed, #six weeks, #behind, #the analysis, #add people, #the result, #daily stats reports, #situation

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption reads, "The problem . . ." Dilbert enters looking frazzled and says to the Boss, "We're so under-staffed that the project is six weeks behind schedule." The caption reads, "The analysis . . ." The Boss looks pensive and thinks, "I can't add people . . . I can't change the due date . . . I can't ignore it." The caption reads, "The result . . ." Dilbert says to Wally and Alice, "He wants daily status reports until the situation improves." All three look overworked and disheveled.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #same meail, #last week, #best of wally, #cube sabbaticle, #first notice

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert peers over the cubicle wall and says, "Wally, you just sent me the same e-mail you sent last week." Wally says, "I'm rerunning the 'Best of Wally' while I'm on in-cube sabbatical." Dilbert asks, "How long is your sabbatical?" Wally replies, "Six months so far, and you're the first to notice."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #protects webs prodcuts, #engineer, #pads schedule, #six months, #build prodcut, #play doom, #computer, #add people, #tiny empire, #eighteen months, #sales people, #irrational desire, #beta test, #technology, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert holds a pointer and stands next to the caption, "How Nature Protects Weak Products." The caption says, "First, the engineer pads his schedule." Dilbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss asks, "Six months?" Dilbert replies, "At least." Dilbert thinks, "One month to build the product and five months to play 'Doom' on my computer." The caption says, "Then the manager pads the schedule as a clever negotiating ploy." The Boss tells an executive, "One year . . . Unless you add people to my tiny empire." The caption says, "Then the vice president pads the schedule to avoid looking bad to the president." The VP kisses the president's toes and says, "Eighteen months." The caption says, "Meanwhile, the sales people are making up numbers because nobody tells them anything." A man tells a woman, "Two months . . . And it solves every problem you have!" The caption says, "This causes the customers to develop irrational desire for the product." A woman says into the phone, "Give me the 'beta' test version in one month." The caption says, "Thus nature disguises weak products as 'beta.'" The woman looks at a device and says, "Cardboard? That's stupid." Dilbert replies, "Oh . . . Then it's beta."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert venture capitalist, #invest 5 million, #agree, #standard conditions, #chairman of board, #mow lawn, #wash car, #touch bargainer, #multimedia developers, #gardening needs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at his desk and a businessman sits across from him. Reading from a document, Dogbert says, "I'll invest up to five million dollars if you'll agree to some standard conditions." Dogbert continues, "I will be chairman of the board and own 99% of the company. You will work for free and wash my car twice a week." The businessman asks, "Can I mow your lawn instead of washing your car?" Dogbert answers, "You're a tough bargainer, but I prefer multimedia developers for my gardening needs."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ass six meetings, #customer focus, #micro management, #egomaniacal mahifest, #survival, #paper towels, #mens room

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk. Reading a report, the Boss says, "Change these dates . . . and add six more meetings and use the phrase 'customer focus.'" Dilbert looks down at the desk where a tiny figure has appeared. Dilbert says, "Uh-Oh . . . your micro-management has caused my ego to manifest itself and beg for survival." The tiny figure says, "I'm shrinking!" The Boss splats the tiny figure with a fly swatter and says to Dilbert, "Run and get me some paper towels . . . five of them . . . from the men's room."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #continue seeing dilbert, #pass my test, #dogs are superior, #she devil

View Transcript

Transcript

Liz sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the armrest. Dogbert says, "Liz, if you're going to continue seeing Dilbert, you'll have to pass my test." Dogbert continues, "Question one: give seven hundred reasons why dogs are superior to cats." Liz pats Dogbert on the head and says, "Well, the first six hundred reasons have to do with the fact that you're cuter." Dogbert wags his tail and says, "Fingernails! She-devil!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #staff meeting, #suggestions, #dumb ideas, #leaving for another job, #never held accountable, #project caribou, #team building exercise, #people vanished, #meeting over

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Our project is six months behind schedule." "Meanwhile, our technology has become obsolete and the users' requirements have changed." "Any suggestions?" Dilbert: "Let's stubbornly plod along and deliver the useless product that was originally requested." Wally: "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" "We should restart every time something changes. That way we'll never be held accountable for results!" Alice: "You losers can work it out alone. I heard there's a job opening on project Caribou." The Boss: "Next on the agenda: our weekly team-building excercise." "

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #client server, #project, #reasoning, #six minutes, #time line, #world wide operations, #understand

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I put together a time line for your project. I started by reasoning that anything I don't understand is easy to do. Phase one: design a client-server architecture for our world wide operations time: six minutes.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #filberts job security, #menacing statements, #one option, #reducing headcount, #works hard, #finish project

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The only way to finish the project on time is by adding four engineers. Wally: theres one other option. you could make menacing statements about filberts job security until he works five times as hard. Just kidding. hee hee! The Boss: Ive been thinking about reducing headcount.