Free Bus Service Comic Strips - Page 33

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View 321 - 330 results for free bus service comic strips. Discover the best "Free Bus Service" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2009's comic on:

Tags #meeting, #question, #ridiculous, #serious, #confused, #annoyed, #vendor, #stupidity, #business

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The Boss says, "Is there any risk that the new software will erase our data?" Dilbert says, "Um?No." The boss says, "Did you ask the vendor that question?" Dilbert says, "Well, no, I?" The boss says, "Then you can't be sure, can you?" Dilbert says, "We outsource our payroll service. The payroll data isn't even on our servers." The boss says, "Isn't everything connected to everything else by the internet?" Dilbert says, "You want me to ask our vendor if his software will hunt down our payroll data from across the internet and try to kill it?" Dilbert says, "And you think he might say yes?" The boss says, "Better safe than sorry." Later that day Man says, "Yes, sometimes it does that. You're the first to ask." Dilbert thinks, "Shoot me."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2007's comic on:

Tags #prepare proposal, #prodcuts, #expertise, #figure out, #expensive bidder, #bid low, #essential upgardes, #randomly assigned, #create lies, #proposal, #can't win

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The Boss: "Prepare a proposal for this customer." Dilbert: "Why me?" "You were walking by. I had it in my head." "We can't win this business. We don't have the right products or expertise." The Boss: "Just say we do. We'll figure it out later." Dilbert: "They know we don't. And we'd still be the most expensive bidder." The Boss: "Bid low. We'll make it up with change orders and unexpected essential upgrades." Dilbert: "In other words, I've been randomly assigned to create lies for a proposal we can't win for a service we can't perform." The Boss: "You make competing sound bad."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 2007's comic on:

Tags #use open source, #emergency, #trade publication, #no one gets hurt

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The Boss: From now on, I want you to use open source software for everything we do. It's free. Dilbert: I'll be right back." "It's an emergency. I think he's been reading. Alice: We know you have a trade publication in here. Hand it over and no one has to get hurt."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 2007's comic on:

Tags #compete on price, #quality features, #fraud, #marketing, #business

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The Boss: "We can't compete on price." "We also can't compete on quality features or service." "That leaves fraud, which I'd like you call marketing."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2006's comic on:

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"Hi, handsome. Are you free for lunch?" "Are you selling something, or do you have a horrible defect that isn't apparent?" "Is it so hard to believe that a hot, intelligent, sane woman would be attracted to a man like you?" "Gaaa!!! It's worse than I thought!" "Maybe we could just drink coffee and talk about the last episode of Battlestar Galactica." "GAAA!!!" "Get away from me, you perfect monster!" "There must be a guy in the engineering department who will date me." "Hi." "What's wrong with you?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 2004's comic on:

Tags #day off, #gerbil, #heartless, #horrible person, #insensitive, #mean, #sisters weight, #toss in casket, #twin sister death

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Carol: "I need a day off to attend my twin sister's funeral." The Boss: "A whole day? How well did you know her?" Carol: "She.. was.. my... twin." The Boss: "But not identical!" Carol: "How does that matter?" The Boss: "Well, she didn't even look like you." The Boss: "And yet you want a whole day off for a service that takes fifteen minutes." Carol: "Gaa! It would be impossible to be more insensitive!" The Boss: "I'll compromise. My pet gerbil is on his last legs. I'll give you the day off if you toss him in the casket so I don't have to bury him myself." Carol: "When do you think it will die?" The Boss: "Depends. How much does your sister weigh?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2004's comic on:

Tags #lost id badge, #security offcie, #sneak, #angel with bacon, #looks around

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Dilbert: I lost my ID besiege. Security: Report to the security office and get a new one. Hold it where do you think you're going? Dilbert: To the security office? Security: No one is allowed past this desk with out an ID badge. Dilbert: Okay....how do I go to the security office if I can't go to the security office? Security: Good question. I guess you'll have to steal past me. Dilbert: Look over there! Its an angel and she's giving away free bacon! Security: well well It seems Ive found a worthy adversary.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 2004's comic on:

Tags #credit reporting company, #data, #death, #debilitating, #health problems, #low cost provider, #ruined lives, #medical

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Dogbert: Im starting a credit reporting company. I'll be the low cost provider because all of my data will be wrong, Dilbert: what will you do when people call and complain that you ruined their lives? Dogbert: I'll put them on hold until their frustration turn into debilitating health problems. Their last words will be AAAGH!!!! I only wanted to buy a minivan! Death will accomplish what customer service could not. Dilbert: Im just curious: Do you have nay qualms about your business plan? any at all? Dogbert: Im not sure. do qualms make you wag?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2004's comic on:

Tags #product development, #two thirds, #Features, #reduce scope, #change request, #stacks of paper, #mean, #unethical, #passive agressive

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Dilbert: Our budget won't cover all of the product development. We can only do two thirds of the features for that amount. The Boss: reduce the scope of the project by one third. Dilbert: Okay. The boss: but theoretically.... Dilbert: No...dear lord, no. The boss: Id I later give you a change request to add one feature could you do it for the same budget. Dilbert One? sure. DATA GOES IN : MANAGEMENT COMES OUT. One sure changes are free, Carol: where do I put the change requests?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2003's comic on:

Tags #despartment, #normal scope, #over loaded, #flexible, #client driven, #outside of scope, #avoid projects, #cheerfully accept assignments

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A business associate asks The Boss, "Can your department do this for us?" The Boss responds, "No problem." The business associate says, "Really? It's outside of your normal scope of work and I know you're over-loaded." The Boss exclaims, "We're a flexible, client-driven organization!" Asok asks Wally, "Wally, how can I avoid projects that are outside of my scope of responsibility?" Wally responds, "Cheerfully accept the assignments and then never work on them." Wally continues, "It bolsters your claims of being overloaded while leaving you free for work that matters." Asok asks, "Work matters?" Wally replies, "Well, not to us." The Boss hands Asok an assignment and says, "I'm not even sure what they want." Asok responds, "I'll start ignoring it immediately."