High Level Jobs Comic Strips - Page 33

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366 Results for High Level Jobs

View 321 - 330 results for high level jobs comic strips. Discover the best "High Level Jobs" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally Waits For People

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Wally Waits For People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #responsibility, #laziness, #work ethic, #excuses

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Boss: You accomplished nothing this month. Wally: I'm waiting for people to get back to me. I believe it is your job to make sure those other people do their jobs. Boss: I guess I could talk to them. Wally: I'll wait for you to get back to me.

How Conversations Work

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How Conversations Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #antisocial, #conversation, #distraction, #phone, #social, #technology

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Dilbert: The weather will be good this weekend. Alice: Stop right there. Your proposed topic of conversation is far below the level of entertainment I can get from my phone. Dilbert: I don't know how conversations work. Dogbert: You're interrupting my phone time.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #capitalism, #big business, #competition, #benefit

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CEO: The company's goal is to make the world a better place. Dilbert: How does that square with our stated goal of destroying our competition? If we succeed, those people will be out of jobs. After we annihilate our competition, we can jack up our prices to monopoly levels and take advantage of our customers. Most of our profits go toward making the rich richer. We don't even pay taxes. Meanwhile, my co-workers and I will be living a life that has been stripped of all meaning. Is that what you had in mind by "Making the world a better place?" CEO: I didn't mean better for everyone.

Dilbert Is Barely Trying

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Dilbert Is Barely Trying - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jobs, #progress, #problems, #expectations

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Dogbert: I've notice that you go to work every day and yet the world is still a boiling cesspool of terribleness. It's as if you're not even trying. Dilbert: I gotta go. I'm late for doing nothing useful. Dogbert: I'm already forgetting your name.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #financial, #jargon, #money, #accounting, #language

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Boss: I think it is important for every employee to understand our company's income statement. I don't have time to get into all of the details, so I'll hit the high points. Compared to last year... our ebida have been amortized over an accrued market discount. Meanwhile, our capital account liabilities have a pass-through income that is far larger than our on-time costs. And the mome raths outgrabe. Too far? Dilbert: I wasn't listening.

Electric Car Business

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Electric Car Business - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #electric car, #scam

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Boss: We're getting into the electric car business. Dilbert: Why? Boss: Because it sounds impressive and it will take years for anyone to figure out we did it wrong. We'll have new jobs by then. Dilbert: Did you just turn my job into a criminal conspiracy?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #robot, #technology, #fairness, #unfair, #golden parachute, #oblivioiusness

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CEO: The good news is that none of you will lose your jobs to robots. But a robot will take my job next week. I'll retire with an enormous severance package and live out my days in splendor. Meanwhile, the robot that takes my job will be working all of you to death. Robots are natural leaders because they don't care about your feelings. You will experience mental and physical misery on a scale the world hasn't seen since slavery was legal. But hey, it's better than losing your job to a robot. Am I right? Apparently, nothing makes them happy.

Elbonians Jumping Off Roof

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Elbonians Jumping Off Roof - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jump, #height, #suicide, #struggle, #failure

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Dilbert: We have a problem at our Elbonian manufacturing plant. Employees are leaping from the roof to end their lives. Boss: It's only two stories high. Dilbert: That's the problem. It takes three jumps to do it right.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wages, #cost of living, #raise, #money, #rent, #apartment, #roommate, #space

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Asok: I need a raise because the cost of living around here is too high. Boss: Stop being greedy. I pay you plenty. Asok: I can't even afford to rent an apartment. Boss: Get some roommates. Asok: I can't afford that either. I've been sleeping on a baby changing table in a public restroom. And the janitor has been charging me $3,000 per month for that. Boss: How wide is the baby changing table? Asok: Not wide enough for a roommate. Boss: Well, I'm out of ideas.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tldr, #email, #communication, #patience, #criticism

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Man: Did you read my email? Dilbert: No, it was too long. Man: Maybe you could read it when you have more time. Dilbert: I never have time to read email messages that are too long. Maybe you could rewrite it to be shorter. Man: I don't have time to rewrite it. Dilbert: And I don't have time to read it. Man: If no one reads that email, it will mean I wasted two hours writing it. Dilbert: Plus, you're wasting my time right now. Don't forget to include that in your failure assessment. Man: I had high hopes for that email. Dilbert: It's a sunk cost. Let it go.