Hiring The Best Comic Strips - Page 33

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

347 Results for Hiring The Best

View 321 - 330 results for hiring the best comic strips. Discover the best "Hiring The Best" comics from Dilbert.com.

Wally's Excuses List

Thank you for voting.
Wally's Excuses List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2017's comic on:

Tags #meeting, #work ethic, #laziness, #excuses, #avoidance, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Work got a lot easier after I compiled a list of all my best work-avoidance excuses. Man: Wally, can you attend my project meeting? Wally: Well, let me check. Man: I haven't told you when we're meeting. Wally: That matters less than you think it should.

Wally's Project Is Not Confirmed

Thank you for voting.
Wally's Project Is Not Confirmed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2017's comic on:

Tags #memory, #obliviousness, #managers, #executives, #hubris

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally says he has a secret project he can't tell me about. Did you give him that project? CEO: I don't remember every little thing I've ever done. Boss: My best strategy here is to think about other things.

Pictures Lie

Thank you for voting.
Pictures Lie - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2017's comic on:

Tags #photos, #truth, #lying, #deceit, #photoshop, #public relations, #pr, #appearances

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The public doesn't believe I really helped serve food at the homeless shelter. Dogbert: Tell them pictures don't lie. CEO: Pictures lie all the time. In fact, that's the best way to lie. Dogbert: Keep that insight to yourself. CEO: I have a full head of hair on Tinder.

Boss Ends Neural Interface

Thank you for voting.
Boss Ends Neural Interface - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2017's comic on:

Tags #mind control, #technology, #invention, #amnesia, #forgetting, #memory loss

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We removed the neural interface to your brain. Do you remember anything we made you do? Boss: No, not a thing. Dilbert: That's probably for the best. Boss: Did I break any laws? Alice: Not according to the cop you dated for three days.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 2018's comic on:

Tags #interview, #hiring, #honesty, #immoral, #ulterior motives

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What would you say are your biggest weaknesses? Man: I like to rifle through my coworkers' desks when they aren't looking. But I don't steal anything unless I know I can frame someone else for the crime. I leave for work an hour late every day and blame traffic. I avoid accomplishing goals so I won't feel like sellout. Sometimes I'll start a trash fire just to get out of a meeting. And I've gotten every one of my bosses fired for things they didn't say or do. Boss: Would he be a good fit? Dilbert: I like what he has to offer.

Dilbert Characters

Money Can't Buy Happiness

Thank you for voting.
Money Can't Buy Happiness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2018's comic on:

Tags #happiness, #work, #motivation, #meaning, #money, #raise, #wages, #excuses, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I want a raise. Boss: Money can't buy happiness. Dilbert: Then why do people work? Boss: To avoid unhappiness. Dilbert: What's my best-case scenario here? Boss: I'll motivate you toward a neutral, zombie-like existence.

Two Hour Summary

Thank you for voting.
Two Hour Summary - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2018's comic on:

Tags #language, #jargon, #listening, #communication, #interpretation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Thank you for that two-hour summary of your project. I didn't understand any of the jargon you used, but based on the context, I believe you are saying the software will be done soon. Alice: I didn't say anything about software. Boss: I guess neither of us did our best work today.

Terrible Personality

Thank you for voting.
Terrible Personality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2018's comic on:

Tags #hiring, #company culture, #personality, #engineers, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Which one of the engineering candidates should I hire? Dilbert: Both are highly experienced, but one has a terrible personality. Boss: Sounds like a perfect fit. Dilbert: I told him to expect an offer.

Brains In A River

Thank you for voting.
Brains In A River - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 25, 2018's comic on:

Tags #cryogenics, #ethics, #laziness, #yelp, #online review, #comments, #feedback, #customers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Being the owner of a cryogenic investment firm is a lot of work. So instead of keeping my customers' brains frozen, I decided to toss them in the river and hope no one notices. The best kind of customers are the ones who can't write bad Yelp! reviews.

Thank you for voting.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2018's comic on:

Tags #manipulation, #fear, #tactic, #ignorance, #jargon, #language

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!