Hiring The Best Comic Strips - Page 33
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347 Results for Hiring The Best
View 321 - 330 results for hiring the best comic strips. Discover the best "Hiring The Best" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday July 25,
2017
Wally's Excuses List
Tags #meeting, #work ethic, #laziness, #excuses, #avoidance, #business
Transcript
Wally: Work got a lot easier after I compiled a list of all my best work-avoidance excuses. Man: Wally, can you attend my project meeting? Wally: Well, let me check. Man: I haven't told you when we're meeting. Wally: That matters less than you think it should.
Friday July 28,
2017
Wally's Project Is Not Confirmed
Tags #memory, #obliviousness, #managers, #executives, #hubris
Transcript
Boss: Wally says he has a secret project he can't tell me about. Did you give him that project? CEO: I don't remember every little thing I've ever done. Boss: My best strategy here is to think about other things.
Thursday October 05,
2017
Pictures Lie
Tags #photos, #truth, #lying, #deceit, #photoshop, #public relations, #pr, #appearances
Transcript
CEO: The public doesn't believe I really helped serve food at the homeless shelter. Dogbert: Tell them pictures don't lie. CEO: Pictures lie all the time. In fact, that's the best way to lie. Dogbert: Keep that insight to yourself. CEO: I have a full head of hair on Tinder.
Saturday November 04,
2017
Boss Ends Neural Interface
Tags #mind control, #technology, #invention, #amnesia, #forgetting, #memory loss
Transcript
Dilbert: We removed the neural interface to your brain. Do you remember anything we made you do? Boss: No, not a thing. Dilbert: That's probably for the best. Boss: Did I break any laws? Alice: Not according to the cop you dated for three days.
Sunday March 11,
2018
Tags #interview, #hiring, #honesty, #immoral, #ulterior motives
Transcript
Dilbert: What would you say are your biggest weaknesses? Man: I like to rifle through my coworkers' desks when they aren't looking. But I don't steal anything unless I know I can frame someone else for the crime. I leave for work an hour late every day and blame traffic. I avoid accomplishing goals so I won't feel like sellout. Sometimes I'll start a trash fire just to get out of a meeting. And I've gotten every one of my bosses fired for things they didn't say or do. Boss: Would he be a good fit? Dilbert: I like what he has to offer.
Saturday February 03,
2018
Money Can't Buy Happiness
Tags #happiness, #work, #motivation, #meaning, #money, #raise, #wages, #excuses, #psychology
Transcript
Dilbert: I want a raise. Boss: Money can't buy happiness. Dilbert: Then why do people work? Boss: To avoid unhappiness. Dilbert: What's my best-case scenario here? Boss: I'll motivate you toward a neutral, zombie-like existence.
Wednesday March 07,
2018
Two Hour Summary
Tags #language, #jargon, #listening, #communication, #interpretation
Transcript
Boss: Thank you for that two-hour summary of your project. I didn't understand any of the jargon you used, but based on the context, I believe you are saying the software will be done soon. Alice: I didn't say anything about software. Boss: I guess neither of us did our best work today.
Thursday April 19,
2018
Terrible Personality
Tags #hiring, #company culture, #personality, #engineers, #psychology
Transcript
Boss: Which one of the engineering candidates should I hire? Dilbert: Both are highly experienced, but one has a terrible personality. Boss: Sounds like a perfect fit. Dilbert: I told him to expect an offer.
Wednesday April 25,
2018
Brains In A River
Tags #cryogenics, #ethics, #laziness, #yelp, #online review, #comments, #feedback, #customers
Transcript
Dogbert: Being the owner of a cryogenic investment firm is a lot of work. So instead of keeping my customers' brains frozen, I decided to toss them in the river and hope no one notices. The best kind of customers are the ones who can't write bad Yelp! reviews.
Sunday May 27,
2018
Tags #manipulation, #fear, #tactic, #ignorance, #jargon, #language
Transcript
Woman: I need help persuading your boss to bless my project. Should I use facts and logic? Dilbert: No, he hates that stuff. Woman: Maybe I could appeal to his better angels? Dilbert: His better angels wear noise-canceling headphones. Woman: Okay, fine. I'll just appeal to his self-interest. Dilbert: It would be in his best interest to avoid people like you. Woman: What do you suggest? Dilbert: We've had good outcomes using his ignorance and fear. Woman: Sign this ore else a blockchain drone will kill you in your sleep. Boss: Where's my pen!