Human Chess Board Comic Strips - Page 33

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398 Results for Human Chess Board

View 321 - 330 results for human chess board comic strips. Discover the best "Human Chess Board" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2014's comic on:


Tags #avarice, #business ethics, #stock market, #stock split, #dumb stock holders, #fantastic prodcuts, #money

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CEO: The board has voted to do a stock split. It came down to a choice between creating fantastic products or attracting dumber stockholders. One of those two things is easy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2014's comic on:


Tags #egyptians, #engineers, #human resources, #pyramids, #pharoahs, #secrets, #reschedule, #meeting, #historically accurate, #new policy, #business

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Catbert: Egyptian pharaohs killed the engineers who build their pyramids so they would never share their secrets. Dilbert: No... I don't think they did. Catbert: Really? Dang! Can we reschedule this meeting until I find a historically accurate explanation of our new policy?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2014's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #intern, #interns, #Promotion, #promotions, #no career path, #internship, #business

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Asok: Is it my imagination or is there no career path here from intern to anything else? Catbert: If we promote you, we just have to find another intern. No one wins in that scenario. Asok: Actually, I would be the winner in that scenario. Catbert: I've never thought of it that way and I don't like it.

Dilbert's Tube Clothes Distract

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Dilbert's Tube Clothes Distract - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2015's comic on:


Tags #clothing, #dress code, #fashion, #human resources, #obliviousness, #sex appeal, #sexiness, #co workers, #tube clothes, #modifications, #distarction, #corduroy tube, #libido killer, #business

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Catbert: Your co-workers are complaining that your tube clothes distract them from work. Dilbert: I can make some modifications so I'm less sexy. That should cut down on the distraction. Catbert: We might not be on the same page. Dilbert: I could wear a corduroy tube. That's a libido killer.

Ceo Succession Plan

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Ceo Succession Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2015's comic on:


Tags #inheritance & succession, #insulting, #strategy, #loser, #incompetent, #honor, #be considered

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CEO: The board is getting on me for not having a succession plan. Find me a loser who is so incompetent that the board won't want to fire me. Boss: It's an honor to even be considered! Catbert: I was going to say that!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 2015's comic on:


Tags #deception, #dishonest, #dishonesty, #honest, #honesty, #lying, #reverse psychology, #trick, #trickery, #noteworthy, #hide evil, #verbal assault, #easiest lie, #set up

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Boss: To be perfectly honest... Dilbert: Wait! Why do you need to say you're being honest in this particular case? You're implying that you've lied to me so often in the past that this one instance of honesty is noteworthy. That is tantamount to admitting you have no respect for me as a human being. And you don't even have the decency to hide your evil in a competent fashion! Do you think I'm such an idiot that I wouldn't notice your verbal assault on my intelligence? Okay, let's hear the one honest thing you have ever told me. Go. Boss: This is going to be the easiest lie I've ever told.

Day Of Arranging Zeroes And Ones

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Day Of Arranging Zeroes And Ones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 2015's comic on:


Tags #anti-social, #communication, #engineers, #happiness, #interaction, #introvert, #social interaction, #socializing, #psychology

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Dilbert: Yay! I have another full day of doing nothing but rearranging zeros and ones. You know it will be a good day when there is no human interaction on the schedule. Tina: How's your day going? Dilbert: Well, it started good...

Alice Has Foul Language

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Alice Has Foul Language - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2015's comic on:


Tags #offense, #language, #joke, #jokes, #human resources, #complaint, #business

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Boss: Tina complained that your foul language is creating a hostile work environment. Alice: That's ridiculous. Words are totally harmless. Tell Tina she can... [Ten Seconds Later. The boss is twitching] Okay, I see it now.

Root Cause Is People

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Root Cause Is People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2015's comic on:


Tags #problems, #cause and effect, #human error

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Dilbert: I found the root cause of our problems. It's people. They're buggy. Boss: Did you bring a pen?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2015's comic on:


Tags #dating, #social, #social interaction, #honesty, #politeness, #overshare, #relationships

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Woman: So, tell me a little about yourself, and be totally honest. Dilbert: Totally honest? Okay... I like technology more than I like people. I don't believe in free will, soulmates, or following my passion. I think life is a brief, meaningless event in a random universe that doesn't care. I only associate with other people because I have biological and economical needs. I think all human actions are driven by selfishness. Woman: Uh... okay. Do you have any questions for me? Dilbert: Am I still being totally honest or should I act curious?