Nose Job Comic Strips - Page 33

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991 Results for Nose Job

View 321 - 330 results for nose job comic strips. Discover the best "Nose Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, managers & supervisors, morale, robots, problems, lying, spectacular job, award randomly, in charge, robot boss, temporary, employees, oversight, business

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Boss: Did you have any problems filling in for me while I was on vacation? Robot: It was hard at first. I couldn't tell who was lying about doing a spectacular job. Boss: That's why I reward them randomly. Robot: I tried that and it did seem to settle them down.

Wally Does Ceo Job For 10%

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Wally Does Ceo Job For 10% - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, money, wages, work ethic, annual pay, deal, split work, salary, work percentage, pass the buck

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Dogbert the CEO. Dogbert: I will give you 10% of my annual pay if you do 100% of my job for me. 10% of my pay as CEO is still a lot of money. Wally: I'll do it. I'll give you 10% of what he's paying me if you do 100% of his work plus mine. It's still a lot of money. Asok: I'm in!

Carol Juggles Work Plus Family

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Carol Juggles Work Plus Family - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Family, happiness, work, juggle work, fighting porcupines, salt mine, job, secretary, business, psychology

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Dilbert: I don't know how you juggle work plus a family. Carol: Spending time with my family is like fighting porcupines in a salt mine. I come here just to get away from them. Dilbert: So... you like your job? Carol: No, but at least I can go home to get away from it.

Dilbert Needs To Show Leadership

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Dilbert Needs To Show Leadership - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, leadership, logic, managers, project, team members, job, fixed, responsibility, business

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Boss: You need to show more leadership on your project. Dilbert: How do you know my leadership is a problem? Maybe the team members are bad followers. Boss: It's your job to fix it either way. Dilbert: The way you just fixed me with your leadership?

Carol Has Passion For Her Job

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Carol Has Passion For Her Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, boredom, boring, email, fake passion, forwarded email, mindless, passion, success, warren buffet, work ethic

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Carol: Warren Buffett says my career will be better if I show passion for my job. I'll have to fake the passion because everything I do in this job is mindless and boring. Later. Carol: Woo-hoo! I forwarded an email!

Dilbert Does Online Dating

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Dilbert Does Online Dating - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, internet dating, low standards, online dating, triple threat, six feet tall, hair, height, job, business, relationships

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Dilbert: I got 9,752 responses on this dating site and I haven't even completed my profile. All I said is that I'm six feet tall, I have hair and a job. Meanwhile, everywhere: Women: Hair... height... job! Triple threat!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coaching, deception, laziness, mentor, mentoring, strategy, work ethic, taper, key to winning, new job, long hours, good first impression, taker off, working smarter

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Wally: Asok, the key to winning at your job is the taper. Asok: Taper? Wally: At the start of any new job, you want to put in long hours and create a good first impression. Then you should start to gradually taper off your effort. But be sure you taper slowly. You don't want to be obvious. Boss: Wally, is it my imagination, or are you working slightly less every day? Wally: It only looks that way because I'm working smarter, not harder. Just the way you taught me. Boss: Okay, that sounds right. Wally: Always keep that round in the chamber. Asok: You scare me, but in a good way.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags arguing, job, job description, managers, manipulation, taking advantage, task, whiney quitter, resourceful entrepreneur, personal growth, outside the box, key to greatness, assigning wrong people, mow lawn, business

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Dilbert: That isn't in my job description. Boss: What?! You should never tell your boss that a task isn't in your job description! It makes you sound like a whiney quitter instead of a resourceful entrepreneur. And don't forget all the personal growth that comes from taking on new challenges. Think outside the box. That is the key to greatness. Dilbert: So, according to you, the best way to achieve greatness is by assigning the wrong people to tasks? Are there any other dumb things I need to do to achieve greatness or is one thing enough? Catbert: Did you find someone to mow your lawn yet? Boss: Almost. He's putting up a fight.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, job, laziness, strategic thinker, strategy, work ethic, worker bee, attend meetings, strategic, no work, business

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Wally: Can I create my own job? I hear people do that. They figure out what they are good at and then they create a job around it. I'm more of a strategic thinker than a worker bee. My job could be to attend meetings and say strategic things. And, of course, I would have no time to respond to email because I'd be busy being strategic. Boss: It feels as if you want a job that doesn't involve work. Wally: Would you trust a strategic thinker who can't solve his own problems?

Dilbert's App Evaluates Job Candidates

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Dilbert's App Evaluates Job Candidates - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags social interaction, social media, coders, coding, engineers, friends, work ethic, social life, technology

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Dilbert: I invented an app that evaluates job candidates based on their online footprint. Here's a guy with no friend, no hobbies, no family, and hundreds of high-quality code submissions to GitHub. Wait, that's me. Boss: Do you have any apps about other people?