2020 Comic Strips - Page 33

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Real Men Multitask

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Real Men Multitask  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, software, software design, concentrate, multitask, distraction, kill, error

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boss: do you ever think about the fact that one small error in your software design could kill hundreds of people? all it would take is some kind of distraction while you are trying to concentrate. dilbert: are you done? boss: a real man could multitask in this situation.

Rewriting Shakespeare

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Rewriting Shakespeare - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags author, play, sarcasm, writing, shakespeare, confidence, rewriting, plot, dialogue, drunk

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Dogbert: My new hobby is rewriting shakespeare's plays so the sentences make sense. He had some good plot ideas, but I think he was drunk when he wrote the dialogue. Dilbert: i admire your confidence. Dogbert typing: "where are you, Romeo?"

Information From Carl

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Information From Carl - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office workers, colleagues, rude, mumble, ignorance, information, business, stalk, cubicle, layers

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Tina: i almost got some information from carl. i stalked him to his cubicle and penetrated his outer defense of rudeness. but i never broke through his mumble layer. dilbert: wait until you get to his ignorance layer.

Dilbert Not On Mute

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Dilbert Not On Mute - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, meetings, video conference, zoom, time-wasting, fool, mute

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Dilbert on a video conference call and voices coming from laptop" We've been going for two hours, so let's wrap up... i have a new topic... dilbert: Gaaa!!! why is there always on time-wasting fool on every zoom call??? why? why? voice from laptop: dilbert, you're not on mute. dilbert: oh. did you hear my tv? i'll turn it down.

Ghost Writer

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Ghost Writer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags author, ghostwriter, autobiography, ghost, fingers, clothes, keyboard, business

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dogbert: you should hire a ghostwriter to write your autobiography. dilbert: that's dumb. a ghost's fingers would go right through the keyboard. dogbert: then how do their clothes stay on? dilbert: fair point.

Smells Like A Trap

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Smells Like A Trap  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, sarcasm, disagreement, change, data, reason, trap, insomnia

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dilbert: yesterday someone disagreed with me, and i changed his mind using data and reason. wally: that isn't possible. dilbert: i didn't think so either, but it happened. wally: smells like a trap. dilbert: i couldn't sleep all night.

Satellite Launch

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Satellite Launch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags satellite, launch, radar, alien, spaceship, systems, technology, reality, suggestion, rocket, trajectory, bird, belgium

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dilbert in control room with others: we've triple-checked all systems, and we are ready to launch the satellite. nothing can go wrong. initiating launch. boss: nothing can go wrong? what if an alien spaceship appears over the launch site? dilbert: gaaa!!! don't jinx us. boss: that's not how reality works. i can't make things happen just by suggesting them. dilbert: you're wrong! that is exactly how reality works! wa;;y: something just appeared on radar directly above the rockets trajectory. boss: maybe it's a bird. wally: it's the size of belgium.

Share Your Screen

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Share Your Screen  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags embarrassment, technology, business, office, video conference, zoom, share, screen, quit

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dilbert looking at laptop on video conference voice from laptop: let me share my screen and i'll...uh-oh. oops. not that screen. don't judge me! how do i make it go away?!!! gaaa!!! i can't take the embarrassment! i quit! Dogbert and dilbert in another room dogbert: how was your zoom call? dilbert: best one ever.

Working At Home Benefits

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Working At Home Benefits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags loneliness, office, technology, video conference, work at home, co-workers, mute

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dilbert at home on bed. wally's voice from laptop: how do you like working at home all the time now? dilbert: i was delighted to discover that a crushing sense of loneliness is better than spending time with my co-workers. wally: no offense taken. dilbert: and don't get me started about the splendor of the mute button.

Protestors Destroy Our Stores

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Protestors Destroy Our Stores - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags protest movements, protestors, retail, stores, destroy, hate, cause, donate, context

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dilbert: all of our retail locations were destroyed by protesters last night. why do they hate us? dilbert: they don't hate us. we donate to their cause. dilbert: am i missing some context? boss: you should see what they do to the people they don't like.