Ever Been Killed Comic Strips - Page 34

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410 Results for Ever Been Killed

View 331 - 340 results for ever been killed comic strips. Discover the best "Ever Been Killed" comics from Dilbert.com.

Alice's List

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Alice's List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #society, #murder, #violence, #law, #enemy, #revenge, #apocalypse

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Alice: Looks like I'll be adding this guy to my list. Dilbert: List? Alice: I keep a list of who to visit first when society breaks down and there is no rule of law. Dilbert: To build alliances? Alice: That's the sort of optimism that gets you killed in the first hour.

Forgetting Meetings

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Forgetting Meetings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appointment, #absent mindedness, #forgetting, #therapy, #irony, #psychology, #psychiatry

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Dilbert: Do you ever have anxiety because you feel like you're supposed to be in a meeting that you forgot? Alice: You should see a doctor about that. Dilbert: I already made... uh-oh. Alice: Was the appointment for today? Dilbert: An hour ago.

Dilbert Is Picked As Company Mascot`

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Dilbert Is Picked As Company Mascot` - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #posture, #mascot, #success, #hunchback, #work ethic, #reward

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CEO: Management has selected Dilbert to be our new company mascot. His bad posture speaks volumes about his hard work and long hours. Dilbert: Ow! CEO: Did you ever dream you would be so successful? Dilbert: This is exactly how I dreamed it.

Asok Remembers Being An Uber Driver

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Asok Remembers Being An Uber Driver - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vomit, #sick, #taxi, #driver, #carpet, #smell, #nausea, #throwing up, #medical

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Dilbert: When you were an Uber driver, did any passengers ever get sick in your car? Asok: They all did. The first few had motion sickness, but the last hundred lost it when they smelled the carpet.

Asok's Legacy

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Asok's Legacy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #judge, #judging, #overshare, #sharing, #socks, #guest artist, #donna oatney, #legal

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CEO: Do you ever worry about your legacy? Asok: I worry about someone finding out my socks are so worn out that all I have left are the ankle parts. CEO: Well, that's enough about you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logic, #false logic, #imagination, #managers, #review, #performance

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because your performance was only average. Dilbert: How can you calculate an average for my performance? No one has ever been in my exact situation. Boss: I compared you to other employees. Dilbert: You compared me to strangers doing entirely different things? Boss: No, I compared you to imaginary people doing your exact job. It's called managing, and I'm very good at it. Dilbert: How do you know you're good at it? Boss: Because imaginary people do this job worse than I do.

Your Idea Has Been Tried

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Your Idea Has Been Tried - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failure, #trying, #trial and error, #criticism

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Boss: Ideas like yours have been tried in the past and always failed! Dilbert: Have you ever been on an airplane? Those didn't work on the first few tries either. And then we have the entire history of science. Boss: Stop. You're embarrassing yourself.

Miracle Of Consciousness

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Miracle Of Consciousness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jaded, #blase, #unimpressed, #dating, #relationships

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Woman: Do you ever marvel at the miracle of consciousness? Dilbert: No. People are just fish plus time. Woman: Does anything amaze you? Dilbert: This is my longest date ever! 49 minutes!

Longest Date Ever

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Longest Date Ever - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating, #relationships, #Women, #Men, #attraction, #record, #conversation

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Dilbert: My date lasted 53 minutes. Dogbert: That's your longest yet. Was she trapped in any way, such as under rubble? Dilbert: Nope! Dogbert: Wow. How'd you do it? Dilbert: I didn't talk for the first 49 minutes.

Smart People Are On Both Sides

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Smart People Are On Both Sides - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Politics, #intelligence, #appearances, #perspective

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Dilbert: Have you ever noticed that there are smart people on both sides of every political issue? Boss: Maybe it only seems that way to you because you're not one of the smart ones. Dilbert: Do I seem smart? Wally: I didn't realize you were trying.