Human Resources Comic Strips - Page 34
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379 Results for Human Resources
View 331 - 340 results for human resources comic strips. Discover the best "Human Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday February 01,
2015
Tags deception, dishonest, dishonesty, honest, honesty, lying, reverse psychology, trick, trickery, noteworthy, hide evil, verbal assault, easiest lie, set up
Transcript
Boss: To be perfectly honest... Dilbert: Wait! Why do you need to say you're being honest in this particular case? You're implying that you've lied to me so often in the past that this one instance of honesty is noteworthy. That is tantamount to admitting you have no respect for me as a human being. And you don't even have the decency to hide your evil in a competent fashion! Do you think I'm such an idiot that I wouldn't notice your verbal assault on my intelligence? Okay, let's hear the one honest thing you have ever told me. Go. Boss: This is going to be the easiest lie I've ever told.
Monday February 16,
2015
Day Of Arranging Zeroes And Ones
Tags anti-social, communication, engineers, happiness, interaction, introvert, social interaction, socializing, psychology
Transcript
Dilbert: Yay! I have another full day of doing nothing but rearranging zeros and ones. You know it will be a good day when there is no human interaction on the schedule. Tina: How's your day going? Dilbert: Well, it started good...
Friday April 24,
2015
Root Cause Is People
Tags problems, cause and effect, human error
Transcript
Dilbert: I found the root cause of our problems. It's people. They're buggy. Boss: Did you bring a pen?
Sunday May 24,
2015
Tags dating, social, social interaction, honesty, politeness, overshare, relationships
Transcript
Woman: So, tell me a little about yourself, and be totally honest. Dilbert: Totally honest? Okay... I like technology more than I like people. I don't believe in free will, soulmates, or following my passion. I think life is a brief, meaningless event in a random universe that doesn't care. I only associate with other people because I have biological and economical needs. I think all human actions are driven by selfishness. Woman: Uh... okay. Do you have any questions for me? Dilbert: Am I still being totally honest or should I act curious?
Thursday May 21,
2015
Brain Scan And 3 D Scanner
Tags replication, technology, clone, playing god, doppelganger
Transcript
Dilbert: My invention can scan the human brain and duplicate it in software. I combined that technology with a 3-D printer that makes human body parts. Boss: What does it all do? Replicant: He's getting to the good part.
Saturday September 05,
2015
Topper Never Sleeps
Tags sleep, tired, brag, bragging, braggart, absurd, competition, top, embellish, embellishment, exaggeration, health
Transcript
Topper. Dilbert: I only slept four hours last night. Topper: That's nothing. I was born awake and decided to stay that way. Dilbert: Lack of sleep is making me a little loopy. Topper: I have a human head collection.
Tuesday October 06,
2015
Next Robot Will Be Intelligent
Tags ai, artificial intelligence, insult, intelligence, obliviousness, robot, stupid
Transcript
Boss: Our next robot release will have the intelligence of a human! Dilbert: Will it have intelligence in the same way you do? Boss: What are you implying? Dilbert: I'll bet the robot wouldn't know either.
Sunday November 15,
2015
Tags management, strategy, productivity, humane, inhumane, treatment, surveillance, watching, privacy, work, office workers
Transcript
Boss: We are going to start monitoring employee productivity in real time. Any questions? Dilbert: I need one clarification. Are you saying you removed the last shred of human dignity from our jobs and reduced us to nothing but a meat machine that suffers in a state of perpetual inadequacy as each person is compared to an arbitrary and ever-growing goal until there is no realistic way for the employee to find happiness through natural means? Boss: That's one way to look at it.
Wednesday December 09,
2015
The Problem Is People
Tags failure, human factor, human error, people, misanthrope, misanthropic, teamwork
Transcript
Dilbert: I finished the post-mortem on our failed project. Boss: What was the problem. Dilbert: People. Boss: The wrong ones? Dilbert: Don't overthink it.
Sunday April 03,
2016
Tags Advice, advising, teenagers, parents, Parenting, tattoo, piercing, terrorism, boundaries
Transcript
Carol: My teenager wants to pierce his ear. Should I let him? Dilbert: Sure. It's only a tiny hole and it heals. Carol: Good point. Narrator: Next day. Carol: Now he wants a small tattoo. Dilbert: Well, if it doesn't show... Narrator: Next week. Carol: Now he wants to grow a human ear on his back, the way scientists did with that rat. Dilbert: As long as he can cover it with a shirt when he gets a job, I see no problem. You have to let him live his own life. Narrator: One week later. Carol: He joined ISIS. Dilbert: I forgot to mention that I'm no good at giving advice.

